One last hurrah for the year...

As I sat cozied up in my recliner this morning paying the bills online, I looked outside and noticed super tiny snowflakes drifting downward, almost in slow motion. The house was quiet as I was the only one yet awake. I sat and enjoyed the peace knowing that it wouldn't last long. As I watched these slow motion snowflakes and listened to the quiet of the house words started to drift through my mind. The longer I sat there watching nature's beauty the faster the words started to flow. I thought to myself, "Well Hell! I better write this shit down!".

Even though it's been months since I wrote a poem for the Haiku Monday contest, the words came to me in the 5-7-5 format. The next logical step was to hunt down the current host for the contest. Who happens to be Funky Frugal Mommy. As I read the the theme for this week I was surprised to find it Relaxation. How fitting considering that for me the peacefulness of a quiet winter morning/evening/day/night (winter in general ) is more relaxing than a hot bath with candles and wine. Since all the cards seemed to just fall into place this quiet Monday morning I decided to submit my poem.

Winter's miracle.
Delicate masterpieces
Gently cascading......

Wishing everyone a peaceful and relaxing Monday.



A very special RafaDe original.

As always my dear friend Rafa managed to take my heart and put it into words. He paired those words with yet another RafaDe original visual in which he combines Maggie & myself. I couldn't not share it with all of you.

Rafa, you have managed to express my heart in words in a way in which I am not capable of doing. The words warm my heart & the photo makes it shine. Every time I look upon this beautiful creation I am brought to tears. Tears of love. Thank you for the beautifulness that is you. I love you.



Morning dew

It was a cool & dewy morning here today. Take a peek.

I don't know what this is, but it looked really cool! Also the light shining through was pure luck!

A faerie mushroom!

A little bit o' luck creeping up in my flowers.

My favorite photo of the day.

Also some of you have seen Kiera's tomato plant she brought home from school in June. If not, here's the over grown wild thing.

 As you can see by the illustrations, the plant has well outgrown a large tomato rack. What to do? What to do? Thanks to the Sailor all is well now!

As you can see we resorted to attaching fencing to the shed and wrapping the whole plant in order to support the whole thing. The tomatoes are too large to pick through the holes, but no worries it detaches easily for harvesting.

And thanks to my friend Jay in France I am currently caterpillar free!! He provided information on how to prevent tomato worms and other caterpillars & insects from ruining my plants & vegetables. I found this ugly, not to mention HUGE, guy and two more the next day feasting away on my plant!!.

The Sailor disposed of them and I used my new knowledge of organic gardening to keep anymore from showing up and to kill any eggs left behind. FYI search "Neem Oil" to learn about organic pesticides safe for fruits & vegetables.

It was a beautiful morning!


**NOTE: I didn't use any special visual effects on the photos outside of adding a white boarder and my name tag.

Summer Vacation

Vacation may be over for the kids, but it's just starting for all of us moms & dads out there. Especially for the stay at home parents or the ones who work from home. All I can say is.... sigh..... lol!

Don't get me wrong, I love my girls to pieces. Having said that, I can only take so much one on one with them. With Lily on the cusp of puberty at 12 and Kiera at 8 thinking she needs to ask the same question 5 times in a row without even listening to the answer I am about on my last nerve. I will admit that this past summer hasn't been as frustrating as summers past mainly due to the fact that the Sailor now works 7 on 7 off. With him home from work every other week I was able to get that small break here and there that all stay at home parents need in order to maintain their sanity. That is if they have any sanity left!

For the most part I would rank our summer as one of the better summers we've had. Minus a few heartbreaking moments. We were all strong and supportive for each other and made it through the tough times allowing ourselves to enjoy the fun times.

Yesterday was the first day of school for the girls. All went well despite the fact that middle school, due to construction, did not have an open house where Lily would have received her new locker & class schedule before the first day, and Kiera brought home the wrong lunch box. The girls were amazing getting ready for school. I didn't have to yell at them once and there were no 'first day of school last minute crisis's'. Thank God!

Of course I forgot to get pictures of both the girls dressed up all snazzy and sharp for their first day of school. I know, naughty mom! I will tell you that Lily was the picture of a sweet young lady in her blue jean skirt and tailored short sleeved polo (thank you again Toni F. for all your generous clothing donations). I'm telling you she's not a little girl anymore. Kiera was cute as a button in her black w/teal polka dots dress and black tights.

If you'll take note, I haven't called my girls midgets today. For those new here I usually refer to my girls as midgets, the tall midget and the short midget. Well Monday night we measured the girls to see how much they grew since their birthdays in March. Kiera has grown approximately 1 1/2 inches making her now 4 foot 3 3/4 inches tall. That's 51 3/4 inches making her now eligible to ride all the rides at the fair. We haven't told her this yet because we don't want to hear about the fair 20 times a night. She will be so excited!! Lily has grown 2 inches topping her out at an even 5 foot 4 inches tall. Yes people, my twelve year old is now officially taller than her Aunt Valisatie who measures in at just under 5'3". I do believe she will be taller than me (even if I did quit shrinking). So now you see why I haven't referred to the girls as midgets. They will just be plain old Monkeys from now on.

All in all it was a good summer vacation for the girls and I'm wishing nothing but the best of luck for their new school year. :)




I stopped dying my hair for the summer because it seemed a waste of money to pay to have my hair dyed red only to have the chlorine pools leach all the color out in just a week. I only dye it because I like being a red head verses being a dirty blonde (code for mousy dull light brown).  I just found out last night, while looking in the bathroom mirror, that two years of dying my hair red has hidden the fact that I now have dull mousy brown hair riddled with silver. YIKES!!

I'm only 35 1/2 but I guess with all the stress of the last 6 years it's not really all that surprising that the silver has taken root in my hair. I don't mind my hair showing my age, it's just hair after all. I'm just not ready to give up the red permanently yet. Like I said before, I don't dye my hair to cover the grey. I dye it because I like being a redhead. I guess when the day comes that I don't want to dye it anymore and I have so much silver that I get that dreaded "skunks tail" growing at my roots I'll just have to shave my head.

I wonder how I would look bald.....?


Shall the truth set you free??

I told a white lie to my kids about what happened to one of our cats. If you haven't read about it, you can HERE. Anyways, I promised myself I would tell the truth, or partly the truth, this coming week. I decided to just get it over with and tell them today.  I kinda told them the truth. I did tell them truth about her kidneys starting to go bad and that the humane thing to do was to have her euthanized. I did not tell them that I had her euthanized. I suppose that white lie was for me. I didn't want them to think I was a mean person for choosing to kill their cat. Yes I'm a coward.

I received a LOT of feed back about the initial white lie on what happened to the cat. All of it was great advice and points of view. It really made me think. Why did I lie about what happened to the cat? Was it for them.... me... or both?  And was it worth the guilt I felt about lying to them? I'd have to say, yes - yes - and Yes! I lied for them because with all the death they have had to deal with in the last 4-5 years I wanted to soften the blow to them.  I lied for me because I didn't have the heart to crush them like that. I mean how horrible is it to tell your kids, "Say bye to your kitty, I'm gonna go have her killed now."?  Having the cat sent to an animal shelter that helps sick animals get better and then adopted was much better. Also having the "doctors" at said shelter determining she was in too much pain and not able to be fixed was less of a blow. I also lied for me because I didn't want to be the bad guy yet again. It was bad enough I said she had to go because she wouldn't use the cat box. I didn't want to be the one to have her die too. (that's where the cowardice comes into play). Was it worth the guilt? You bet your ass it was! I won't hide death from my kids. Hell I don't have to. They know full well what death is all about first hand. Anything I can do to help soften the blow to my kids I will most certainly do. I have told them the truth about what happened to the cat, even if I did lie, again, about who decided it. Like one follower said, kids are resilient. They have bounced back as I had only hoped they would.

Overall I'm happy with the outcome of this whole episode. I generally don't lie to my kids about stuff. As a matter of fact, most of my friends & family think I'm a bit too honest with them. I feel that if I'm honest with them they have a better shot at living a more balanced life. No matter what it's about... boys, our bodies, morals... I feel that if I tell the blunt truth to the best of my knowledge they will have an advantage in life. They won't be guessing about it or wondering if what they heard in the locker room after gym class is true or not. If I can make them aware of how things are then they will be better able to make sound judgement calls. Like "How does the baby get out of her belly, Mommy?".  I told my then 4 year old the truth... " It comes out of the girls crotch." To which she replied with abject horror, "Oh My God! Yuck! I'm not doing that!". Now when it comes time to have the sex talk with her I will remind her that pregnancy can be a consequence of having sex no matter how much "protection" you use, and she will remember where that baby come out at and hopefully wait to have sex... If I feel they aren't old enough to know the answer to a question I just tell them that I will tell them when they need to know. Will my bluntness all work out the way I hope? Maybe, maybe not, only time will tell. I can only hope that my girls are comfortable enough to ask me anything and know that I will give them the most honest, unbiased, answer I can.

I don't believe in hiding life from kids, but if a white lie can soften the blow a little bit, to either them or me, you can bet your last dollar I will do it. My girls are the most important thing in my life. They have already dealt with enough in their short lives than any one person shouldn't have to endure. I do the best I can with the help of their father (who is an amazing dad by the way). I only hope it's enough. With all the positive feedback I get, it seems that we are doing okay with this whole parenting business. Thank you again to everyone who wrote in or commented on my confession.

So, does the truth set you free? Yes. That doesn't always mean you feel better. For better or worse though, you are free. No need to hide or keep up the lie. You can deal with the consequences and move on with your life in whatever way you need to.


Haiku Monday: Bayou

Lately it seems that there just isn't enough time to sit and let the words for a haiku flow. I read the theme and nothing comes to me, or I just can't find the time to get online and post. For whatever reason this week once I read the theme, Bayou, thoughts & feelings started swirling in my mind.... I could feel something inside churning to get out and be heard. I just had to make the time to post! It may not be my best and it may not be my worst, but here it is:

Steamy sultry mire,
Swirling mists lure you deeper.
Voodoo mans magic.

Photo courtesy of: Disney's The Princess & the Frog

The wonderfully talented & witty Rafa, from Ramblings From My Typer, is this weeks host. Be sure to pop on over and check out the competition. Good luck to all!



Twist the knife...

Earlier today I posted some confessions. One of them being how I lied to the girls about the cat being euthanized (I plan on telling them of her "passing" this next week). Anyways, we went out to dinner to a Chinese buffet tonight. This particular restaurant has a koi pond, at the reception area, where you can toss in a coin. The girls both toss their coins each visit and make their wishes. The last time we went, Kiera (the short midget, 8), wished that her sister Maggie Alice "could be here with us For Real to play with, not be an angel."  OH MY GOD!! Break my heart all over again why don't cha!!  I had a heart to heart with her and basically told her to try to be happy that her sister is in heaven where she no longer has health issues and to try to wish for something that may be possible, like a new doll or a trip to the movies this weekend. I was hoping that our little chat worked. Well it did, but it didn't.... She told me tonight that her wish was that "Bonnie (our cat who was just euthanized who she temporarily thinks is at a shelter to get better & then adopted) wasn't sick anymore even though she can't come home because she won't use the litter box anymore."  DEAR SWEET MARY, MOTHER OF JESUS!! Twist the knife a little more in my guilt for lying to the kids about what happened to the cat!! FFS! I can't seem to get a break these days! Oh well, such is life. Right? Hopefully things won't be too bad and having a pool will help distract the girls once I tell them that their cat has passed on to Heaven... Maybe I should have tossed in a coin and made a wish....


Confession Time

Some are sins, 
Some are not. 
Things I want to share,
Things I need to just let go of.
Silly things,
Serious things.
All are things on my mind.


I too have fallen victim to Candy Crush Saga.
For the past week I have worked harder on my tan then I have cleaning my house.
I'm addicted to Coca Cola in glass bottles. I only allow myself 1 maybe two per day.
I've fallen into the habit of eating cereal in the evenings.... so bad for me, but so damn delicious!
I have a crush on my husband. I will always love the Sailor. I don't always have like him though. Having said that, lately I've been crushing on him big time. I'm talking junior high sneaking a peek blushing kinda crush. 
I love having Adult Swim after sunset... *giggles*
I lied to my kids about our cat and even though I feel horrible about it, I feel it was necessary. With all the death they have experienced in the last four years, including the recent passing of my Aunt, I felt the need to cushion the blow of having our cat euthanized. Our cat Bonnie had been sick with a urinary infection that medicine was not fixing. Turns out it was her kidneys going bad. After discussing all of her options with the Vet it was decided that euthanasia was the most humane option. The humane society was willing to take her back if we could get her infection free. You see, she had to leave our home whether she was healthy or not. When the infection started she started peeing everywhere except the cat box. I'm told this is common behavior for felines with urinary infections. The problem did not stop and was becoming worse. We were forced to cage her, in the large dog cage we owned, in order to protect our home from being ruined with urine. Even if we could have gotten her infection free the Vet admitted that no one would adopt a cat who wouldn't use a cat box and would be required to eat a specially prescribed food & medicine for the rest of her life, which also meant she couldn't be a barn cat. Releasing her to the wild was not an option due to her medical difficulties. It would have been cruel.  In not wanting to crush my girls completely I told them that Bonnie would be going to a shelter that helps sick animals get better and adopt them out. I plan to tell them next week that she didn't get better and that she died.  I don't want to hide death from them. Death is a part of life. If anyone knows that, my girls do. That doesn't mean that I can't try to soften the blow a little. I feel that by waiting to tell them it won't be as traumatic for them as telling them "Okay girls, say goodbye to Bonnie so I can go kill her."  I feel by having her die away from home, rather than telling them the truth on how she died, it will be easier for them to process her death. 


Good Bye Bonnie. May you be at peace my sweet tubby.


Penny Thoughts

I know that I don't post much anymore. Mainly it's because I don't use my laptop very often. With smart phones being so capable of so many things my laptop has taken a backseat to my technology needs. Don't get me wrong, I still need my laptop and plan to continue to use it for this blog. Blogging more than a quick thought or a photo is entirely too complicated on a smart phone. I want to still keep in touch with the blogging world but just don't have the drive to do a full on post everyday. So I started a secondary blog connected to Monkeys & Windex. It's called Penny Thoughts. Basically it's my thoughts throughout the day. A photo of what's on my mind at the moment. I came up with the name because I had a thought about when someone is daydreaming and is asked "A penny for your thoughts".  Some thoughts are so random that they really have no purpose, others are "Ah-Ha" moments. All posts on Penny Thoughts are published from my phone with a quick email. I know I could send them to M&W just as easily but I really felt that my random thoughts deserved their own page. Sometimes you will see repeat posts between M&W and Penny Thoughts because I feel they need to be shared with everyone possible. Or because I may have a random thought I publish on Penny Thoughts while on the go and want to expand on it later though M&W. 

There are a couple of different ways to get to Penny Thoughts:

  • You could always type in the url.   pennythoughts2013.blogspot.com
  • You can click on the beautiful Gerbera daisy photo on the top right of my sidebar. The photo links to Penny Thoughts. (note* the side bar is only visible in the web version of the blog, not on mobile)
  • You can click on the link at the top of the page, just under the blog title, labeled Penny Thoughts. (note* this menu is also visible on mobile. you have to click on the drop menu just under the blog title when viewing on your phone.)
One more thing about the Penny Thoughts blog. The Friend Connect widget is no longer available to newly created blogs. Personally I think this is the dumbest move Google has made with the take over of blogger. Anyways, even though you can't follow with the friend connect any longer you can still follow by email and other blog readers. At the bottom of the blog page there are the widgets for following. Maybe if you already have a blogger account you can follow Penny Thoughts by manually adding the url. Not sure if it's possible, but if you try it and figure it out please let me know so I can pass along this information.

Now I'm off to do whatever my fancy desires... which is code for doing housework.... LOL

Enjoy the day & smile!


P.S. Don't forget to let me know what you think of Penny Thoughts!!

Play time?

Finally our new driveway is about to get started. It is being put in on the opposite side of the property as the current drive. It will also include prep work for a pole barn and an extra wide approach for said pole barn. The reason for it being on the other side of the yard is that eventually we will be putting a garage onto the house and that side of the house currently has no road access. First before the garage will come the pole barn. Most likely next year. We also plan to connect the two driveways making it a huge horseshoe shaped drive.

Today the contractor dropped off the small dozer for stripping the sod. I've been staring at it all day with a longing to just "play"! LOL

Happy Monday! I hope the week treats you all well.




Haiku Winner!! (finally announced)

I SOOOO totally blew my plan to not be tardy! I do sincerely apologize for posting the winner so late in the week. It's completely unacceptable. Then again my name is Miz Tardy Pants, so I'm sure some of you aren't surprised.

Since I was late at posting the winner I've decided to accept every haiku posted no matter the time or day. It's the least I can do, I don't wanna be a pot callin' the kettle black. Who wants to be one of THOSE people? Hear say is it isn't very kosher.  So, on to the run down!

First up was Doom, with a plethora of wonderfulness! However one seemed to stand out more than the rest. I love words that end in "ous", whether they were meant to be or not. Great visuals to accompany the poems also.

Green seedlings grow well.
Their scent and playfulness please-
Funtabulous food.

Next up was Foam with two wonderful entries. "Eternal Hunger".... it's just so captivating I can't but love it! Awesome Alice Cooper, by the way.

Eternal hunger
Gnawing pain .. I rise, I seek ...
Your morsel of brain ..

Last weeks winner, Becca, brings her  game again with her haiku entries. This one had me chuckling with childhood memories

Tall white rounded hats
tilted just a tad latest
fashion for fence post!

Next up is a newcomer. Everyone welcome Joss to the craziness that is Haiku Monday. I must say Joss, for a rookie you sure did knock this one out of the park! I happen to read the poem before your explanation. Me being a housewife who hates dishes, I was so totally thinking of a bubble bath. However after thinking about it for a few days, I realized that you may just be right about the dishes! lol!! Great job Newbie!

Soap suds caress me
as I scrub away disdain
and discover hope.

As always Karl raises the bar with his ability to paint a picture in just 17 syllables. While all of his entries this week were beautiful the one that made me sigh was this.

Spring sunrise blinding
Her silhouette all I see
No better image

Our resident mischief maker, Rafa, has done it again His silvery tongue bringing to life to party as always! Most excellent haiku this week Darling, and the 'ode to me was devastatingly hilarious! What's a party without some laughs, right?!

A thunderous CLAP!
Lightning's flash illuminates
Breath is brought to life

Blazing Scarlet... I was going to crown you the new Miz Tardy Pants, but I kind fudged that one. Your haiku this week really touched me deep. Hospitals are not my favorite place to be, yet I find myself there quite often. I must agree, there is no comfort for me either.

There he lies .... alone.
Hospital sterility
No comfort, alone.

Serendipity! You have nailed my week to a tee! It has been Hella crazy here for me. Emotionally & physically! I can't wait to see this one end and hopefully on a good note. Now again because of my tardiness your haiku is also up for judging.

Sorry, on the run!
This weekend had no spare time!
Work crazy bizzy!

As usual none of you have made the job of judging easy.  Last night I narrowed it down to two. Joss &  Doom. I was ready to flip a coin when something in me just wouldn't let go of one line. So the winner this week is:


You captivated me with your "Funtabulous Food" Two of my favorite things. Words that end in 'ous' and of course food!! Congrats on your win. I hope I've left you enough time to think up a theme for this coming Monday!

Congrats to all the contestants and thank you for not filling my inbox with detention slips for my tardiness! Everyone did a great job and I can't wait to see what Doom comes up with.


Resident Miz Tardy Pants


Haiku Monday

Resident Miss Tardy Pants reporting for duty. (on time I might add). 

As the current host for Haiku Monday it's my duty to provide a theme for this week's contest. Considering the fact that I just barely made Becca's deadline I was most definitely not prepared to win and now host. Hence the long wait for the theme post. Being the rebel to rules that I am I have not picked a theme for this week. So many themes have been used since, and before, I started participating that I truly have no idea what has been used and what has not. I do, however, know that there have been many a time that I have a haiku written but no theme in which to enter it. Or I missed a week and kicked myself because I had a perfect haiku that maybe, just maybe, could have placed. I'm sure all of you out there have a haiku just sitting around sad and lonely, waiting for it's turn to shine. So in honor of all the lonely haiku's out there pining for their time to shine, and for all of us writers who hit a block once the theme is announced (which I am always guilty of), this weeks theme is and open theme.

Open Theme means that there is no set subject. You are free to write about whatever you wish. Break out the files and find that haiku that had no post to join. Now, me not being the most scholarly of people I may not always recognize your topic of choice so bear with me. Visuals are always great but not required, and neither is a blog. So all of you who follow me but don't have a blog feel free to enter the contest, or just post for giggles. I'm not a stickler for rules so the only one I'm enforcing this week is the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Three entries allowed for judging per contestant, however feel free to post as many as you wish as long as you clearly mark which three you choose to enter for judgement. Typically the deadline is by midnight Monday night. However since so many of us are from around the world and across the country anything posted (or awaiting moderation) when I turn on my computer Tuesday morning will be accepted into the contest.

I know it's not conventional to have an Open Theme, but with Mother's Day this weekend and so many new things with the change in seasons it really was difficult to pick just one subject. So I hope everyone comes out to play and brings their best. It's been a while since I taxed my brain on more than what the monkeys toss at me on a daily basis I'm excited to see what you can bring to the table.

To start you off here is the last poem I wrote a couple of weeks ago. I didn't enter in the contest because I wasn't thinking. I just posted it. According to our resident mischief maker, Mr. Smartypants RafaDe, it fit right in with the theme for the week, persistence.


Sirens deafening.
Heart seizes, my thoughts mired
in the past: Maggie...

Here's your chance to shine with whatever tickles your fancy! Good Luck to everyone & most of all Have Fun!!




Sirens deafening.
Heart seizes, my thoughts mired
in the past: Maggie...


Lent: The Shunning of Deliciousness...

Yesterday I did a post about why I'm participating in Lent this year when I never have before, and I don't really agree with the religious reasons behind it. Anyways if you want to hear all about it you'll have to go and read about it in Yesterdays Post.

I said I would think long and hard about what exactly I was going to give up knowing all along I would make a snap decision as I typed up this post. Guess what? I actually thought about it!! It's a first for me when it comes to my health. I actually weighed the pros and cons of everything. I must be ready to do this thing! I just know it, otherwise why would I actually think about it, right? Anyways I thought about it last night as I redecorated the blog. What do ya think? I'm liking the grey... That's another story though..

Back to the whole Lent decision.  I decided on carbs. Having decided that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go broad and give up carbs as a whole or if I wanted to pick a carb and shun it for forty days. I thought about which one would benefit me the most and the probability that I'd not fail so I decided to give up a specific carb.  I was afraid if I went broad and gave up all carbs I was just setting myself up for failure. This is my first serious foray into becoming healthy. I don't need to set myself up for failure. I just need to master this forty days and then I can reevaluate the situation and see where I need to go from there. So for Lent I am giving up pasta. You probably think well that's not really much to give up.. Well let me tell you what. Me giving up pasta is like Hugh Hefner giving up Playboy Bunnies. Pasta is the main go to dish I make. It is the meal I order 95% of time we go out to eat. I have a very unhealthy relationship (code for obsession) with pasta. So I'm going to give it up. By giving up pasta I will virtually be giving almost all the carbs I eat. I don't eat very much bread, and because I don't I will be adding on to my pasta shunning bread and salad croutons (another obsession).

In addition to pasta & the breads I will be trying so very hard to make sure that what I do eat is a much more healthier than it has been thus far in my life. I love salads, I just need to eat more of them and more lean meats. I don't eat very many sweets as my tummy doesn't like the sugar but I do occasionally fall and have a junk food crisis from time to time. I don't drink much soda (my kidneys do NOT like it) so I will try to not drink it, but I do I won't cry about failing and just give up. I will just stop at the one and start new.

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I'm only half way through my first day of no pasta and I want to panic. Of course I'm craving it. Of course my cupboards are full of it. Yes I will still be making for the rest of the family. But to be honest though.. the thought of dying from something related to, or caused by, my weight scares me more. I've never been a skinny person naturally. I've always had curves. I never have and nor do I want to be a hard body. I like my softness, and so does the Sailor, I just want less of it. When I turned 21 and discovered alcohol & dance clubs I dropped weight at an alarming rate. I became so skinny that I couldn't find jeans small enough that would still button around my protruding hip bones. Mind you this was 14 years ago and there were no low riding jeans. I was 140 lbs. I know doesn't sound very skinny, but for me it was very skinny. Anyways, I drank and dance and drank and drank and danced until I was very unhealthy. I changed somethings in my life (code for kicked the ex-boyfriend to the curb) and I gained about 20 pounds which put me on the skinny side of a healthy weight. I met the Sailor and we eloped to Vegas (←link takes you to the wedding photo post).  This was before I started to shrink in height so I was closer to 5'9" where as I'm only about 5'7" now. Anyways I was 164 lbs when we were married 13 years ago. I quit work to move to California and in the first 3 months there I gained 20 more pounds due to not working and enjoying life.  So that put me up around 180-185 lbs. I'm cool with that now, not so much then. I wasn't panicking because when I graduated I was 190 lbs. Then I became pregnant with our first child. Well there went the end of all that. I gained a normal amount of weight but that put me up above 200 lbs. Lets just say that after 2 more babies (3 total) and 8 years as the self proclaimed laziest housewife ever. I ballooned up to 263 lbs. Thankfully I carry my weight well. Even at such a great weight my body is still proportioned pretty evenly. A little rounder in the middle than when I was younger due to 3 pregnancies.

About this time last year I lost about 25 lbs., and have since gained most of it back. Today I weighed 255 pounds. Even thought it's been the norm for way too long and the Sailor still finds me sexy, it's completely unacceptable. If I didn't know me and I saw me naked... I would not think I was physically sexy. It's just that simple. I know my body will never be perfect. Hell I don't want it to be. I will forever carry the scars of my obesity, but I'm okay with that because they will be the reminders of what I can NOT allow myself to be.  

I'm not super religious like I said in yesterdays post, so I'm going to use Lent as my kick starter to getting myself healthy again. I have to do something and Lent was starting in just two days so I thought why not? So here I am on a public website not only telling the world my real age (35 if you didn't do the math earlier) but telling my real weight. How low does a lady have to sink to be at the point of admitting to the world her true age and weight? Pretty low I tell ya. I'm not as low as a person can go, but I don't want to hit rock bottom and have the doctors telling me to lose weight or die either. I will always be in some sort of physical pain due to other issues not related to my weight but the weight has done nothing but make the pain worse. I'm hoping with losing weight not only will I be healthier but the pain will be more manageable.

Now that I've spilled my guts about myself and just put it all out there. Lets hear from those of you who are participating in Lent or those of you who are making a change in your life. What are you giving up for Lent and why? or What are you changing about your life and why? I truly am interested. Even if it's something simple as cutting back to buying only one new pair of shoes a month or your planning to grow your own vegetables this year. Let me know! I'm nosy like that!

Be Happy, Live Happy



Lent: Is it for only the believers?

I'm not a religious fanatic. I don't attend church. I don't say grace before each meal. I don't really know what I believe. I just know that I believe. Do I believe everything the church (of any denominative) teaches, No. Do I believe there is something bigger than us, yes.

You have one bible and many churches. The fact that all of these churches understand the bible so differently only proves, in my opinion, that the Bible itself is a guide to living life not a rule book. For me, it seems like it's a compilation of life lessons. How do we grow as an individual, a society, a race? We learn from our mistakes or the past. That's what a life lesson is. You did something, whether the outcome was wonderful or terrible, you learned something about life, hence the term "Life Lesson".  If you read the Bible what does it say? Well, first it tells you how we came to be. Then it tells you stories of things people did, or how people reacted in certain situations. Then it tells you the consequences or rewards in these actions. Sure all these stories revolve mainly around one key person, still they are all stories about things that can, have & may happen to any one of us at any given time. Life Lessons. So for me the bible, yes I've read the Bible, Yes the whole Bible, is a guide to life. By reading the stories of the Bible we learn about life and mankind. The actions & consequences of deeds therefore learning life lessons without actually having to experience these things first hand. Which for me is great. I mean really, do I want to fight with someone over the custody of a child if it's only going to damage the child? (that's the story about the two ladies fighting over the kid and the solution was to cut the kid in half, if my memory serves me correctly--it was a long time ago I read the bible--and the real mom was willing to give up the child to spare it's life). What did I learn from that. I learned that if you love someone or something you will sacrifice whatever you must in order to garner their safety and happiness.  The Bible, for me, helps to guide me in the right direction as far as right and wrong. I don't believe it is a set of rules that we MUST live by. It's virtually impossible. No one person is perfect (remember the quote about he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone, or some such thing?) and no one should be expected to be perfect. Bottom line here in my ramblings is that I don't follow the bible the way I would a recipe for cupcakes but I do use it for base line of ingredients to make something good of my life.

What does this have to do with the title of the post you ask? Well all of that was my long winded way of saying I don't usually participate in Lent because I'm not a "believer", but do think I will use it this year for motivation to do something I should have done a long time ago. So I'm going to give up something for Lent even though I'm not what the Sailor calls a "Bible Thumper".

It's been way to long that I've sat idly by and let myself get out of shape. Sure I've had plenty of reasons to be depressed the last few years, but at this point there is no excuse. Last year about this time I had lost almost 25 pounds. I have since gained almost all of it back. While some of it has been what everyone refers to as "good weight" (muscle toning) and my clothes still fit better than they did over a year ago, I'm still grossly overweight and sadly out of shape internally. The reasons, not excuses, for this are my love of food and lack (abject horror) of exercise. I have no excuses for not curbing these cravings and not using my stubborn mind to use my strong will to be motivated. I know I can do it, it's just a matter of doing it. Don't ask why I know this and still don't do it. If I had all the answers I'd be skinny, or what my body considers skinny. Anyways, I'm one of those people who will sit and watch those weight loss shows while I eat nachos or a burger. Yes that's me. I don't get all mushy and sad when they tell their stories on why they gained weight. Probably because I'm not relating to them, or more yet their reasons. I'm the way I am because I'm lazy. Sure I've been deeply depressed since my 2 year old daughter died 3 years ago. News flash everyone! I was fat before she was born, I was fat after she was born, and I'm still fat. So while I may not have been the most motivated person the last few years, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

Again sorry about the long windiness of my thoughts. Back to the Lent thing.  So I'm overweight and I'm getting mentally & physically sick of my state of health. So even though I'm not a believer in the reasons for Lent I'm going to try my damnedest to be true to the rules of Lent. I haven't decided if I should just be broad and say I'm giving up unhealthy eating for Lent or if I should pick a specific thing like bread or pasta, or just carbs in general. I know giving up carbs is a good way to lose weight and that when/if you start with carbs again you generally will gain weight back. I'm okay with that if I can control the gain and keep it to a minimum. My goal isn't to become Cindy Crawford or a swimsuit model. I just want to be a healthier me. I will always have curves and scars that will forever remind me of what used to be, but that's okay if I feel better and I am healthier.

So tomorrow starts Lent.. I will think long and hard tonight (code for wait till my morning post to make a snap decision) about what I'm going to give up for Lent in order to help make myself healthier, and let you know my decision.

I hope I haven't scared too many of you off with my religious ramblings... just remember I was rambling not thumping... These are my views and I only expressed them in order for you to understand that for me to participate in Lent is a big deal due to my lack of belief behind the meaning of lent. Because quite frankly I believe if something makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone why should you give it up, even if it's only for 40 days?

Be happy, live happy.




Friends come and friends go. Each person you meet has the potential to be a friend. It could be the person next to you in the check out lane, or at the next gas pump. Maybe it's someone who hands you your dropped glove on the sidewalk, or someone online even. It could be your mail delivery person, or the bank teller. Maybe it's your best friends cousin, or and old friend from childhood's spouse. You never know who's going to be your next friend so be sure to always wear a smile when you meet someone new. Sometimes these friends become super close and sometimes they are here and gone. Even so each person that comes into our life does so with a purpose. Once that purpose is served they move on or you simply just move in different directions in life. The ones who are your friends for always are still in your life for a reason too. We don't always know what these reasons are, but there is a reason I assure you.

Sometimes friendships blow up or fizzle out in a bad way. In these cases, no matter how hard it is, it's sometimes better to end the friendship. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can be your friend anymore because our friendship is only hurting us both." Sometimes that's not always an option. You still see this person at social functions or smaller intimate gatherings. In these cases both parties just have to let everything go and be civil to each other. You don't have to pretend to best buds, the way it used to be, but you can just be civil and polite. It's called having class. A person with class can continue to socialize without making anyone in the room feel uncomfortable from tension.

Some friends are instantaneous friends. The moment you meet it feels as if you've known each other since you were in small pants. It's like you've been searching for this person forever without even knowing you were missing them, but once they are a part of your life you wonder how you ever survived without them. These are the friends you can go to with anything and not worry about being judged. These are the friends you should try your damnedest to never lose touch with no matter what direction life takes you both.

Sometimes a person is more of an acquaintance than they are a friend. Don't ever discount these people as not important, or classify them as "just someone I know" because you never know why they're in your life. Be grateful for those in your life, no matter who they are. And if you are in the belief that you have no friends and you are reading this, then I'm here to tell you that you DO have a friend. You have me. I will be your friend if you'll have me. All you have to do is say Hi.

Also remember, Friendship isn't about what a person can bring into your life but rather what you can bring to theirs, and if both people are willing to give to the other you can have something special.

I wish you all a wonderful week full of smiles, joy & lots of laughter!



Haiku: Speed

This weeks Haiku contest is being hosted by Serendipity over at Serendipitous Wild Moments.  Be sure to pop on over and check out all of the competition, or even throw one down yourself. With the theme being Speed it should be a quick read.... Haha!! Sorry I couldn't help myself. Anyways, on to my entry.

Up, down...Up, down...WOW!
Accuracy essential.
Hands like lightning, Damn!

This particular video was found on the Guinness World Records official web site.  

Good luck to everyone!



Soon to be new tattoo..

I do believe this is going to be part of my next tattoo.
I would like to get it on my left wrist where the model in this photo has the word 'Faith' placed. Followed up by this

on my inner forearm filling the space from the quote to my inner elbow area. Only I would probably nix the fish and add a few more flowers.. of course coloring the flowers a light purple to make them Forget-Me-Not flowers. Then I would have the branches/vines continued around my arm to encircle it and pepper the branches/vines with lots of the F-M-N flowers...

For those of you who don't know what Forget-Me-Not flowers are here's what they look like:

So.. What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, good or bad on my idea for my next piece of ink.

Hope your weekend was nice, mine sure was :)







What's what...

2012 was one Hell of a year. I'm happy to be able to say that as sad and heartbreaking as the year started out it wasn't all bad. Here's a quick timeline (sort of) to catch you up in case you missed something.


  • Bank account empty due to overspending and poor money management on our part. :-(
  • Cold as Hell yet not enough snow for the girls to use their new snow sleds from Santa. :-(
  • Watching the Sailor Senior slowly get worse from the cancer. :-(
  • Hanging out with my brother & sister in-law during these sad time. It was so wonderful to have them here with us. :-)

  • The Sailor turned 36 and I got to laugh at him when he realized that it really isn't all that old. :-)
  • Still cold as Hell, and still not enough snow for sledding. Lucky for us in the Sailors oh so advanced age he has become genius. He used the snow blower to move all the snow in the back yard onto the slide so the midgets & their aunt K, who I technically call a midget too, could go sledding. :-)
  • The Sailor Senior worsens and the Sailor takes leave from work to help with his fathers care. :-(
  • My beloved sister in-law (the aforementioned Aunt K) turned 40!! Whoot! Whoot! She doesn't look 40 (cow!!) (you know I love you ♥ )).  :-)

  • Still EFFING cold!! No more snow. :-(
  • Just now recovering from end of year financial crisis. :-)
  • Sailor Senior takes a turn for the worse. Brother in-Law is helping the Sailor take care of their dad. :-(
  • The Sailor and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. :-)
  • The short midget (Kiera) turned 7 on St. Patrick's Day. :-)
  • Later that night (st.pats day) The Sailor Senior passed away to better place. :-(
  • The tall midget (Lily) turned 11. :-)
  • Warmer weather!  :-)
  • Funeral Service for the SS  :-(
  • Family drama blow up extraordinaire :-((
  • Not much happened in May, I really can't think of anything that sticks out as special either good or bad. :-)
  • End of school year :-)
  • Started our home renovation. :-)
  • Endured a stressful home renovation :-|
  • Finished our home renovation. :-)
  • Bank account is now empty again, if not negative. I really couldn't tell you. I try to block the really bad stuff out :-(
  • Weather is HOT HOT HOT HOT and dry... Ugghhh!! :-(
  • Just finished the renovation and left the same day for a week of camping... Most miserable week outdoors ever!!! :-(
  • Came home from the worst camping trip ever to a wonderfully new and beautifully renovated home! :-)))
  • Unpacked my house... mostly :-|
  • Became sick and stayed sick for the rest of the month of July.
  • Stayed sick the entire month of August also. :-(
  • Still trying to unpack my house, mainly the kitchen. :-(
  • Prepare for the new school year :-)
  • Horrific accident involving family members (all who are well and doing fine now) :'(
  • Midgets are back in school!!!!! :-))
  • Bank account still empty... trying to recover from the renovation.. :-/
  • Go to the doctor because I'm STILL sick!! Anti's helped but boy was I hurting.. :-(
  • Weather finally cools off :-)
  • Celebrate Maggie Alice's Birthday (she would have been 5 in 2012) with friends and family. A good day indeed. Very good :-))
  • Same day I wrecked my car in a one on one car vs. deer on M43...
  • Honored the third anniversary of Maggie Alice's death. Therapeutic and heartbreaking. :-|
  • Halloween!! The girls were exactly what they wanted to be for the first time ever!! A Zebra dressed up as a clown, and a spider witch! :-))
  • Got my car back all spiffy and new looking. :-)
  • Didn't fully recover financially but we at least got all caught up. :-)
  • Thanksgiving was a simple affair with just the four of us. :-)
  • Had a sex toy party to help launch my friends new career. It Was A Fabulous Time!! :-)))
  • Got ahead financially and was able to give the girls a grand Christmas.!! :-))
  • I turned 35 on the day the earth was supposed to end....Thankfully the Mayans were wrong! :-)
  • The Crud that was going around the schools decided to show it's ugly face in our house. One Person At A Time!!! :-(
  • Despite the crud infecting us we managed to have a sick free & joyful Christmas morning & day :-))
  • New Years Eve was spent Celebrating a 65th wedding anniversary and later we rang in the new year with some wonderful friends. Love You Muffin!! :-))
So that's my year in review. There's more stuff that probably should have been added and I'm sure there was stuff I might should have left out.. Oh well, it's me and by now you should be used to the way I do things. Like I said it was a sad and heartbreaking year, yet it wasn't all bad. I know I haven't posted much this year, and that's one of the sad parts, but believe me I haven't given up blogging yet!

Until next time