I said I would think long and hard about what exactly I was going to give up knowing all along I would make a snap decision as I typed up this post. Guess what? I actually thought about it!! It's a first for me when it comes to my health. I actually weighed the pros and cons of everything. I must be ready to do this thing! I just know it, otherwise why would I actually think about it, right? Anyways I thought about it last night as I redecorated the blog. What do ya think? I'm liking the grey... That's another story though..
Back to the whole Lent decision. I decided on carbs. Having decided that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go broad and give up carbs as a whole or if I wanted to pick a carb and shun it for forty days. I thought about which one would benefit me the most and the probability that I'd not fail so I decided to give up a specific carb. I was afraid if I went broad and gave up all carbs I was just setting myself up for failure. This is my first serious foray into becoming healthy. I don't need to set myself up for failure. I just need to master this forty days and then I can reevaluate the situation and see where I need to go from there. So for Lent I am giving up pasta. You probably think well that's not really much to give up.. Well let me tell you what. Me giving up pasta is like Hugh Hefner giving up Playboy Bunnies. Pasta is the main go to dish I make. It is the meal I order 95% of time we go out to eat. I have a very unhealthy relationship (code for obsession) with pasta. So I'm going to give it up. By giving up pasta I will virtually be giving almost all the carbs I eat. I don't eat very much bread, and because I don't I will be adding on to my pasta shunning bread and salad croutons (another obsession).
In addition to pasta & the breads I will be trying so very hard to make sure that what I do eat is a much more healthier than it has been thus far in my life. I love salads, I just need to eat more of them and more lean meats. I don't eat very many sweets as my tummy doesn't like the sugar but I do occasionally fall and have a junk food crisis from time to time. I don't drink much soda (my kidneys do NOT like it) so I will try to not drink it, but I do I won't cry about failing and just give up. I will just stop at the one and start new.
I have to be honest with you and tell you that I'm only half way through my first day of no pasta and I want to panic. Of course I'm craving it. Of course my cupboards are full of it. Yes I will still be making for the rest of the family. But to be honest though.. the thought of dying from something related to, or caused by, my weight scares me more. I've never been a skinny person naturally. I've always had curves. I never have and nor do I want to be a hard body. I like my softness, and so does the Sailor, I just want less of it. When I turned 21 and discovered alcohol & dance clubs I dropped weight at an alarming rate. I became so skinny that I couldn't find jeans small enough that would still button around my protruding hip bones. Mind you this was 14 years ago and there were no low riding jeans. I was 140 lbs. I know doesn't sound very skinny, but for me it was very skinny. Anyways, I drank and dance and drank and drank and danced until I was very unhealthy. I changed somethings in my life (code for kicked the ex-boyfriend to the curb) and I gained about 20 pounds which put me on the skinny side of a healthy weight. I met the Sailor and we eloped to Vegas (←link takes you to the wedding photo post). This was before I started to shrink in height so I was closer to 5'9" where as I'm only about 5'7" now. Anyways I was 164 lbs when we were married 13 years ago. I quit work to move to California and in the first 3 months there I gained 20 more pounds due to not working and enjoying life. So that put me up around 180-185 lbs. I'm cool with that now, not so much then. I wasn't panicking because when I graduated I was 190 lbs. Then I became pregnant with our first child. Well there went the end of all that. I gained a normal amount of weight but that put me up above 200 lbs. Lets just say that after 2 more babies (3 total) and 8 years as the self proclaimed laziest housewife ever. I ballooned up to 263 lbs. Thankfully I carry my weight well. Even at such a great weight my body is still proportioned pretty evenly. A little rounder in the middle than when I was younger due to 3 pregnancies.
About this time last year I lost about 25 lbs., and have since gained most of it back. Today I weighed 255 pounds. Even thought it's been the norm for way too long and the Sailor still finds me sexy, it's completely unacceptable. If I didn't know me and I saw me naked... I would not think I was physically sexy. It's just that simple. I know my body will never be perfect. Hell I don't want it to be. I will forever carry the scars of my obesity, but I'm okay with that because they will be the reminders of what I can NOT allow myself to be.
I'm not super religious like I said in yesterdays post, so I'm going to use Lent as my kick starter to getting myself healthy again. I have to do something and Lent was starting in just two days so I thought why not? So here I am on a public website not only telling the world my real age (35 if you didn't do the math earlier) but telling my real weight. How low does a lady have to sink to be at the point of admitting to the world her true age and weight? Pretty low I tell ya. I'm not as low as a person can go, but I don't want to hit rock bottom and have the doctors telling me to lose weight or die either. I will always be in some sort of physical pain due to other issues not related to my weight but the weight has done nothing but make the pain worse. I'm hoping with losing weight not only will I be healthier but the pain will be more manageable.
Now that I've spilled my guts about myself and just put it all out there. Lets hear from those of you who are participating in Lent or those of you who are making a change in your life. What are you giving up for Lent and why? or What are you changing about your life and why? I truly am interested. Even if it's something simple as cutting back to buying only one new pair of shoes a month or your planning to grow your own vegetables this year. Let me know! I'm nosy like that!
Be Happy, Live Happy