Confession Time

Ordering Christmas gifts for my girls online makes me all happy and giddy for many reasons.

~ I don't have to deal with annoying people while hunting down the best gifts.

~ I can compare prices without using a tank of gas going from store to store, only to return to the first store to purchase the gift. 

~ I don't have to drive as much in bad weather. Nor do I have to transport tons of packages from store to car, then from car to house. I have a tendency to fall in the winter months (snow or no snow). Carrying packages only unbalances me more. 

~ I love getting packages in the mail, even if they aren't for me (sad, I know).

~ last, but not least, I love the looks on the girls faces when I get packages and tell them it's a Christmas gift for one of them.  Listening to them beg for me to just tell them who it's for is wonderful. So far they haven't come up with any good bribes! LOL

Don't get me wrong, going out and shopping for Christmas gifts is very fun. It's just that it becomes daunting after a while. Being able to do the majority of the shopping online really helps in allowing my Christmas cheer to stay at a high level when I do go out in public during the winter holidays. 

Good luck to all who are out there shopping! Be safe and trust no-one! Especially that one shopper who sidles up close to you, and lingers, as you're checking out the last of an item on the shelf. They are just waiting for you to set it down to compare it to the other model so they can snatch it. True story!

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas my friends. 



My first Christmas package of the season!!!  All the way from Quebec!! I LOVE IT!!



Not a game for the meek or faint of heart. So much fun last night. 


He followed me home so I gave him a bath and an honored place next to the scarecrow. Now he just needs a name!    

this teeny tiny dino was in the parking lot at the movies tonight. 


Moving Forward

October came and went as fast as a flash of lightening. October is always hard for me, it being the month that Maggie Alice was not only born, but also the month she past away. 

This year for me was different. I didn't get melancholy and distant from my everyday life.  When her birthday came on the 21st I kinda just wanted to skip it. For the girls and the Sailor we still released a ballon and wished her a Happy Birthday. She would have been 7 this year. 

Then the fifth anniversary of her death rolled around on the 30th of October. The sharp jab of pain wasn't there this year for me. My mind didn't replay the horrific day over and over in slow motion. I wasn't distracted to point of total uselessness. I didn't even cry throughout the day. I spent the day with my amazing friend, Billie Jo, baking cakes for Kiera's Fall Carnival the next day.  That night as the Sailor and I had a late dinner, without the girls, I told him how I had been lacking in my usual emotions for  this time of year. I did cry at this point. I cried because I felt guilty for not being depressed and emotional like I have been in years past. I cried because this lack of emotion felt wrong. In reality I think I was, for the lack of a better term, over it. I love her and I miss her each day, but my mind has wrapped my heart tight enough now that the throbbing pain is no longer debilitating. It's not overruling my ability to function. 

I will never forget her. My heart will never stop hurting. Having said that, I believe that five years after her death I am finally "letting her go". I have gotten to a point in my grief in which my pain has hurt for so long that I have gotten used to it. It's a chronic pain, but a pain that is so normal to me now that I am finally able to function normally (if that's possible) and move forward with my life. 

This year October has been bittersweet for me. I can live with that. Who knows maybe next year it be even better and just be sweet. 

Now, if you've followed my blog, my story, throughout the years you've heard me mention my very close friend, Rafa. He came into my life at a time in which I needed him the most. He helped me learn to deal with my grief of losing my youngest child. He has a special way with words. He has been able to take my ramblings ( haha ) and turn them into beautiful poems. Sometimes heart wrenching, sometimes funny as all get out. Most of all, always amazingly beautiful. He is also a fantastic artist. Each year when the end of October rolls around I get an email from him. He never forgets. For this alone I will never forget him, or the love he has given me and mine. In this email is always one of his amazing poems. Not just the poem, mind you, but the poem imposed upon a unique visual creation of his.  I'm late posting it this year, but I couldn't not share it. It's too beautiful. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

Thank you to my friends and family from all over the world, near and far, who are always there for me when I need them the most. 


For those who can't read the poem on the photo.

Lil' Pea:

You came to me an angel
Freshly Heaven sent
Not even yet a little pea
More spirit than of flesh
Tied as one, we shared ourselves
Giving as received
Until the day, with swollen pride
Bore you to the world

Tender was your heart

Terror was your trail
Wings with want to FLY
The only question... When
It was our little secret
I promised not to tell

You taught me both in life and death

What it means to love
Through grief, I've known a hollowness
Depths beyond belief
Survival has it's lessons, too
Resiliency, for one
And willingness to SMILE
I'm wizened to the world
Through the clouds... A clarity
I see, where once was blind

Yet, gladly I'd be ignorant

Blissfully undeterred
If only I could have you back
With no return to sender
Feel your heartbeat pulse with mine
Forever; plus a day

Halloween Madness

I'm so bad about posting to my blog these days. I apologize. 

Halloween was a great time since Lily decided to embrace the darker side of the holiday by being a killer clown. She even made a girl at school cry just by making some faces at her. Her friends and teachers didn't even recognize her until she spoke aloud. Kiera was still going for cute and cuddly. She pulled it off famously as a furry black cat. 

I was most impressed with the girls ability to carve their own pumpkins this year. They applied the patterns and carved them out like professionals, only getting a little help from dad when it came time to use the drill for the eyes. Kiera chose an evil gnome and Lily chose the grim reaper. 

Even though it was cold and miserable out we all managed to have a blast. 


Seriously not ready for this yet... 


the light was good, the flowers full, the shed perfectly aged... how could I not take the shot. i hope you like the results as much as I do. 



Yesterday Lily had her first practice for 8th grade volleyball tryouts. I hope she makes the team. She was so excited afterwards. This would be so good for her. I'm crossing my fingers!! 



From one extreme to another, but alway beautiful. 

Not bad for an iPhone camera. 


Where am I?

It's June first. The year is officially half over, and where am I?  I'm stuck in the same spot I was on January first. I've not gone forward. I've not gone backwards. I'm the same today as I was that day so long ago. This is not bad, but it is also not good. A rut. That's where I am. I sit here today and think about the way things are. I think about how I'm not so sure I like how things are. A few things have recently transpired that have hit me really hard and forced me to re-evaluate my life and the direction it's going. I've had to make a couple of very hard decisions. I've prayed for God to give me, and those around me, the strength to do what needs to be done.  I can only have faith that He will hear me and guide all of us in the direction we need to be going, whether it's the direction we think we should be going or not.  Again I ask, where am I? Today I am at a fork in the road. I am choosing my path with the belief that it is the right path. It may not be the easiest path for me to take, but take it I will. It may be hard to traverse this path, but I shall be triumphant in getting to end of this path and finding myself in a better place than where I started.  Today I am at the start of my path to happiness. Wish me luck. 



Back to the Basics...

Or I should say, back to Blonde.

Just for the summer... maybe.  ;)


Thirteen years ago today my life changed in a way I never thought it could. It was a long hard day, but I'd do it again a million times over just to have my precious Lily.

Happy 13th Birthday Lily Elizabeth. 

I love you!!


And the winner is...

Resident Miss Tardy Pants Reporting late for duty.

With the state of Michigan being shut down for the last four days due to "inclement" weather I've had yet ANOTHER day with the monkeys. Who, at this point, have turned rabid. If I don't get to the store soon I will run out of Windex! Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my girls. In fact, I've even survived whole summers. The breaking point for this extended Christmas break from school is that the temperatures been averaging about -20 to -25 degrees F. Um... I can't send them outside!!!! The dog doesn't even want to go out! In fact, the other night whilst walking back up to the house, when the dog had to poo at 11:30 p.m., the wind started to gust hard enough to almost knock my big ass down and cold enough to freeze my eyeballs. My EYEBALLS!! I could feel the surface of my eyeball freezing and then my eyelashes were freezing together by the time I made it to the door. Needless to say I am ready for the weather to warm up. Not to mention we've had 20-30 inches of snow drop on us in just a few days time. Thank goodness for friends with plow trucks because it was too damn cold to use the snow blower!! On a good note though, my new winter boots, while fashionable, kept my feet nice and toasty!

Okay so enough of my drama and excuses on why I was AWOL yesterday. On to the Haiku!

Everyone had great entries. All of them evoked one emotion or another from me. The dirty mind that I have, a few of them evoked some delicious emotions! Also, what would a Haiku Monday be without a hilariously naughty RafaDe original?  All were wonderful, all were very well written. Having said that, one haiku just wouldn't leave me alone. It kept calling me back time and time again.

I am told to quit
I am told I should face facts
I won't sleep 'til dead

Congratulations Doom!
You are this weeks winner!!

Doom's first one poked and poked at me. It's still poking at me, and I still can't tell you why. The fact that it is still drawing me in is the very reason why I have picked this as the winning haiku. 

Kudos to all who played this week. I really did love them all. Thank you all for coming out to play. As always I promise to try to be more prompt in the future.

Happy Hump Day!!


Haiku Monday Contest

This last week I won the haiku contest. I can't tell you the last time I wrote a poem, let alone a haiku poem. Thank you Amanda @ Funky Frugal Mommy for boosting a lady's spirit. Anyways, this week it's my turn to host. Sorry about the lateness of the post, but if you know me, Resident Miss Tardy Pants, you aren't surprised.

In honor of the new year I have chosen the theme of Aspiration/Aspire.

       1.  strong desire, longing, or aim; ambition.
       2.  a goal or objective desired

       1.  to long, aim, or seek ambitiously; be eagerly desirous,
            especially for something great or of high value.

Many of us tend to make resolutions for the upcoming year. Many of us break those resolutions rather quickly. I myself do not make resolutions because I know I will most likely be the first person to break them. Instead I set goals. Small goals that I know I can achieve. With each goal met I try to make the next goal a little bigger, a little more challenging. The thing about goals is they are leading somewhere. Each goal met is a building block for something bigger. There has to be an ultimate goal you are aspiring to reach otherwise the smaller goals are for naught.

Everyone has aspirations. A little girl aspires to be a princess so she becomes a beauty queen. A young man aspires to be a world renowned architect so he builds things. A woman desires to own her own bakery so she saves money to buy the best mixers and kitchen equipment available. A man aspires to retire early and travel the world so he works odd jobs on his days off from his 9-5 job to earn extra money that he can invest.

Be it the stepping stone goals or the big picture aspirations. Whether it's about a little girl growing up to be a space engineer, a squirrel set on having the biggest nut collection for winter, or if it's your own personal goals/aspirations, put it into the standard 5-7-5 haiku format and leave it in the comments section below. Now I'm by far not an expert on all the rules of haiku, but as long as it has the correct syllable count, and it's posted in the comments by the time I log on Tuesday morning, it qualifies for my judgement.  So let the game begin.