Lent: The Shunning of Deliciousness...

Yesterday I did a post about why I'm participating in Lent this year when I never have before, and I don't really agree with the religious reasons behind it. Anyways if you want to hear all about it you'll have to go and read about it in Yesterdays Post.

I said I would think long and hard about what exactly I was going to give up knowing all along I would make a snap decision as I typed up this post. Guess what? I actually thought about it!! It's a first for me when it comes to my health. I actually weighed the pros and cons of everything. I must be ready to do this thing! I just know it, otherwise why would I actually think about it, right? Anyways I thought about it last night as I redecorated the blog. What do ya think? I'm liking the grey... That's another story though..

Back to the whole Lent decision.  I decided on carbs. Having decided that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go broad and give up carbs as a whole or if I wanted to pick a carb and shun it for forty days. I thought about which one would benefit me the most and the probability that I'd not fail so I decided to give up a specific carb.  I was afraid if I went broad and gave up all carbs I was just setting myself up for failure. This is my first serious foray into becoming healthy. I don't need to set myself up for failure. I just need to master this forty days and then I can reevaluate the situation and see where I need to go from there. So for Lent I am giving up pasta. You probably think well that's not really much to give up.. Well let me tell you what. Me giving up pasta is like Hugh Hefner giving up Playboy Bunnies. Pasta is the main go to dish I make. It is the meal I order 95% of time we go out to eat. I have a very unhealthy relationship (code for obsession) with pasta. So I'm going to give it up. By giving up pasta I will virtually be giving almost all the carbs I eat. I don't eat very much bread, and because I don't I will be adding on to my pasta shunning bread and salad croutons (another obsession).

In addition to pasta & the breads I will be trying so very hard to make sure that what I do eat is a much more healthier than it has been thus far in my life. I love salads, I just need to eat more of them and more lean meats. I don't eat very many sweets as my tummy doesn't like the sugar but I do occasionally fall and have a junk food crisis from time to time. I don't drink much soda (my kidneys do NOT like it) so I will try to not drink it, but I do I won't cry about failing and just give up. I will just stop at the one and start new.

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I'm only half way through my first day of no pasta and I want to panic. Of course I'm craving it. Of course my cupboards are full of it. Yes I will still be making for the rest of the family. But to be honest though.. the thought of dying from something related to, or caused by, my weight scares me more. I've never been a skinny person naturally. I've always had curves. I never have and nor do I want to be a hard body. I like my softness, and so does the Sailor, I just want less of it. When I turned 21 and discovered alcohol & dance clubs I dropped weight at an alarming rate. I became so skinny that I couldn't find jeans small enough that would still button around my protruding hip bones. Mind you this was 14 years ago and there were no low riding jeans. I was 140 lbs. I know doesn't sound very skinny, but for me it was very skinny. Anyways, I drank and dance and drank and drank and danced until I was very unhealthy. I changed somethings in my life (code for kicked the ex-boyfriend to the curb) and I gained about 20 pounds which put me on the skinny side of a healthy weight. I met the Sailor and we eloped to Vegas (←link takes you to the wedding photo post).  This was before I started to shrink in height so I was closer to 5'9" where as I'm only about 5'7" now. Anyways I was 164 lbs when we were married 13 years ago. I quit work to move to California and in the first 3 months there I gained 20 more pounds due to not working and enjoying life.  So that put me up around 180-185 lbs. I'm cool with that now, not so much then. I wasn't panicking because when I graduated I was 190 lbs. Then I became pregnant with our first child. Well there went the end of all that. I gained a normal amount of weight but that put me up above 200 lbs. Lets just say that after 2 more babies (3 total) and 8 years as the self proclaimed laziest housewife ever. I ballooned up to 263 lbs. Thankfully I carry my weight well. Even at such a great weight my body is still proportioned pretty evenly. A little rounder in the middle than when I was younger due to 3 pregnancies.

About this time last year I lost about 25 lbs., and have since gained most of it back. Today I weighed 255 pounds. Even thought it's been the norm for way too long and the Sailor still finds me sexy, it's completely unacceptable. If I didn't know me and I saw me naked... I would not think I was physically sexy. It's just that simple. I know my body will never be perfect. Hell I don't want it to be. I will forever carry the scars of my obesity, but I'm okay with that because they will be the reminders of what I can NOT allow myself to be.  

I'm not super religious like I said in yesterdays post, so I'm going to use Lent as my kick starter to getting myself healthy again. I have to do something and Lent was starting in just two days so I thought why not? So here I am on a public website not only telling the world my real age (35 if you didn't do the math earlier) but telling my real weight. How low does a lady have to sink to be at the point of admitting to the world her true age and weight? Pretty low I tell ya. I'm not as low as a person can go, but I don't want to hit rock bottom and have the doctors telling me to lose weight or die either. I will always be in some sort of physical pain due to other issues not related to my weight but the weight has done nothing but make the pain worse. I'm hoping with losing weight not only will I be healthier but the pain will be more manageable.

Now that I've spilled my guts about myself and just put it all out there. Lets hear from those of you who are participating in Lent or those of you who are making a change in your life. What are you giving up for Lent and why? or What are you changing about your life and why? I truly am interested. Even if it's something simple as cutting back to buying only one new pair of shoes a month or your planning to grow your own vegetables this year. Let me know! I'm nosy like that!

Be Happy, Live Happy



Lent: Is it for only the believers?

I'm not a religious fanatic. I don't attend church. I don't say grace before each meal. I don't really know what I believe. I just know that I believe. Do I believe everything the church (of any denominative) teaches, No. Do I believe there is something bigger than us, yes.

You have one bible and many churches. The fact that all of these churches understand the bible so differently only proves, in my opinion, that the Bible itself is a guide to living life not a rule book. For me, it seems like it's a compilation of life lessons. How do we grow as an individual, a society, a race? We learn from our mistakes or the past. That's what a life lesson is. You did something, whether the outcome was wonderful or terrible, you learned something about life, hence the term "Life Lesson".  If you read the Bible what does it say? Well, first it tells you how we came to be. Then it tells you stories of things people did, or how people reacted in certain situations. Then it tells you the consequences or rewards in these actions. Sure all these stories revolve mainly around one key person, still they are all stories about things that can, have & may happen to any one of us at any given time. Life Lessons. So for me the bible, yes I've read the Bible, Yes the whole Bible, is a guide to life. By reading the stories of the Bible we learn about life and mankind. The actions & consequences of deeds therefore learning life lessons without actually having to experience these things first hand. Which for me is great. I mean really, do I want to fight with someone over the custody of a child if it's only going to damage the child? (that's the story about the two ladies fighting over the kid and the solution was to cut the kid in half, if my memory serves me correctly--it was a long time ago I read the bible--and the real mom was willing to give up the child to spare it's life). What did I learn from that. I learned that if you love someone or something you will sacrifice whatever you must in order to garner their safety and happiness.  The Bible, for me, helps to guide me in the right direction as far as right and wrong. I don't believe it is a set of rules that we MUST live by. It's virtually impossible. No one person is perfect (remember the quote about he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone, or some such thing?) and no one should be expected to be perfect. Bottom line here in my ramblings is that I don't follow the bible the way I would a recipe for cupcakes but I do use it for base line of ingredients to make something good of my life.

What does this have to do with the title of the post you ask? Well all of that was my long winded way of saying I don't usually participate in Lent because I'm not a "believer", but do think I will use it this year for motivation to do something I should have done a long time ago. So I'm going to give up something for Lent even though I'm not what the Sailor calls a "Bible Thumper".

It's been way to long that I've sat idly by and let myself get out of shape. Sure I've had plenty of reasons to be depressed the last few years, but at this point there is no excuse. Last year about this time I had lost almost 25 pounds. I have since gained almost all of it back. While some of it has been what everyone refers to as "good weight" (muscle toning) and my clothes still fit better than they did over a year ago, I'm still grossly overweight and sadly out of shape internally. The reasons, not excuses, for this are my love of food and lack (abject horror) of exercise. I have no excuses for not curbing these cravings and not using my stubborn mind to use my strong will to be motivated. I know I can do it, it's just a matter of doing it. Don't ask why I know this and still don't do it. If I had all the answers I'd be skinny, or what my body considers skinny. Anyways, I'm one of those people who will sit and watch those weight loss shows while I eat nachos or a burger. Yes that's me. I don't get all mushy and sad when they tell their stories on why they gained weight. Probably because I'm not relating to them, or more yet their reasons. I'm the way I am because I'm lazy. Sure I've been deeply depressed since my 2 year old daughter died 3 years ago. News flash everyone! I was fat before she was born, I was fat after she was born, and I'm still fat. So while I may not have been the most motivated person the last few years, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

Again sorry about the long windiness of my thoughts. Back to the Lent thing.  So I'm overweight and I'm getting mentally & physically sick of my state of health. So even though I'm not a believer in the reasons for Lent I'm going to try my damnedest to be true to the rules of Lent. I haven't decided if I should just be broad and say I'm giving up unhealthy eating for Lent or if I should pick a specific thing like bread or pasta, or just carbs in general. I know giving up carbs is a good way to lose weight and that when/if you start with carbs again you generally will gain weight back. I'm okay with that if I can control the gain and keep it to a minimum. My goal isn't to become Cindy Crawford or a swimsuit model. I just want to be a healthier me. I will always have curves and scars that will forever remind me of what used to be, but that's okay if I feel better and I am healthier.

So tomorrow starts Lent.. I will think long and hard tonight (code for wait till my morning post to make a snap decision) about what I'm going to give up for Lent in order to help make myself healthier, and let you know my decision.

I hope I haven't scared too many of you off with my religious ramblings... just remember I was rambling not thumping... These are my views and I only expressed them in order for you to understand that for me to participate in Lent is a big deal due to my lack of belief behind the meaning of lent. Because quite frankly I believe if something makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone why should you give it up, even if it's only for 40 days?

Be happy, live happy.