Dreams of yesterday
float through my

A life so precious
forever gone..

When all happiness
seemed lost...

My soul sinking
deeper and deeper..

Giggles & laughter
grace my ears
as life is renewed
and happiness
shines again.



Pondering thoughts say what?

On days like today when everything is quiet and the sun is shining I sit and think about my life. About where I came from, my childhood. About the good times & the bad... I think about how my life is total opposite of what I had always imagined it to be yet now I couldn't imagine living life any other way than I am. That despite the fact that I'm not who I envisioned myself to be at almost 35, I'm completely happy with the path my life has taken.  I sit and think about all the people in my life, past & present. About how those people changed me, for the better or the not so better. What did they teach me? What did I take away from knowing them.. Have I changed them? What did them knowing me do for them, and was it positive?  I also think about the impact my online friends have had on me. I've never met them in person. I don't even know what some of them look like and it's been two years! I think about how I care for my on line friends just as dearly as I do my friends in real life. Does that make me crazy? Silly? or is it normal? Then again, what is normal, right? All I know is I do care, and dare I say Love, all my friends. On line or in real life, all my friends mean the world to me. It's just who I am I guess. I'm okay with that.

Ever since Maggie Alice died three years ago I often think about death and what would I be leaving behind should I die today? Well, that's not entirely true... I admit I've wondered about that all my life as far back as I can remembered. I've always wondered what would people remember the most about me? Would it be something good or something bad? How long would it be before people stopped thinking about me or bringing me up in conversations... you know, "Remember that one time we went to the fair and Corey....?". Those kinds of things. Would my children tell stories of their crazy mother to their own kids or grand-kids?  Again, it's just who I am, and I'm okay with that.

I think about my pets too. They are a crazy, annoying, loving bunch of odd balls just like the rest of us in this house. I think, are they happy? Do they know how good they have it? What would life be like for them if I hadn't decided to save them? What would it be like for me if I didn't have them. Daily life along with myself would be quite boring to tell the truth.... I very rarely turn on the tv or the radio anymore... even when I'm not on the internet. The silence has become a wonderful thing that I cherish whole heartily. I'm  not sure why, it just has. I'm okay with that too.

Those are the main things I think about during days like today. Sometimes these things make me sad, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I think of great ideas... once in a while I will try to execute said ideas, usually though I'm too lazy. I'm working on that, so I'm okay with that too. Of course all of these serious thoughts are periodically interrupted with silly thoughts as food, and why when I give my dog my $200 dollar ottoman for a bed and even give him his own pillow he chooses to lay like this?

I guess somethings will just go unanswered...

What do you think about when you're mind wanders. What sort of things go through your mind when you ponder your life? Think about it, and let me know. Haha! I really do crack myself up sometimes :)


p.s. I know some of you are thinking, you don't think about your kids and the Sailor?? Yes I do but that would take up a whole blog post it self so maybe another day I'll spill my mind about them.  :)