9/7/11

My First Day Alone...

Yesterday was the first day of school for my girls, as it was for many of the surrounding areas.  I thought I was ready to be alone for the day. I had a whole list of things to do. Bills to pay, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, and errands to run. As usual I did everything except the dishes & laundry. The rest of the day no matter what I was doing I had to fight back tears.

What's wrong? I kept asking myself. This is nothing new. You were alone all last school year. Why are you crying, it's finally quiet in the house?!?

It wasn't until I brought Jason his lunch supplies for work that I figured it out. He walks up to my window from the rear of the car. As he stops at the window I look up at him and I know. I know what's wrong. I know why I'm on the verge of tears. All I had to do was look into his face. When I did I saw Maggie. Everyone always says that she was yet again another carbon copy of me, just like the two before her. I  don't agree with that. I've seen the photos of Jason as a baby and toddler. I see him in her every time I look at a photo of her. It only makes sense that I would see her when I look at him. I miss her, that's what's been bothering me all day.

With Jason at work & girls both gone at school all day I'm left alone for almost 9 hours. If things had turned out differently this would have been my last summer with just Maggie and I. Miss Margaret was the only one, out of the three girls, that I didn't get to have with me alone for a school year. I had Lily's first whole year practically all to myself with Jason being over seas for 6 months. I had one whole school year of just Kiera and I before Maggie was born. Kiera was only going to school for half days at the time of Maggie's passing so I didn't get that Mommy & Me time quite like I did with the others.

It's been almost 2 years now that she's been gone. As the girls return to school, I'm yet again reminded of the void in our lives. I'm fine one minute, the next it's like a Mac truck slams me in the face telling me, 'hey you! She's gone forever, she's not just sleeping in her room.'  Sounds harsh I know, but that's pretty much what it feels like. I'm doing a little better now as I write this. (last night) I've made a list of must do things to help me keep busy, Lord knows I have enough to keep me busy until Christmas. It won't keep me from missing her, but it will keep me from succumbing to the darkness.  I plan on actually doing my dishes & laundry so if you don't hear from me on F/B by 3 p.m. please call for emergency assistance. I may be in a housework induced coma.

Originally I was just going to post a few photos but when I started to type the intro all of the previous stuff just came gushing out. Thanks for sticking with me this long if you've made it this far.

~CoreyJo


Here are the photos from dinner out the last night before the girls had to start their 9 month sentence. It was a fun time, and the food was great as always. I didn't have my camera with me so I had to use my phone. No I don't have one of those fancy shmancy smart phones with flashes & 35 mm camera's on them...yet. hehe   Sorry about the quality of the photos, I lightened them as much as I could.


Cletus (aka Kiera) & I while waiting for our table. ↓



Jethro (aka Lily) & I.  ↓



When she looks innocent like this we call her *Lucy because she's the most diabolical at these times.  ↓



She's really turning into a beauty. Sailor, you better get your gun ready!!  ↓



He hates getting his photo taken, but he loves me so he lets me take them.  ↓



















Sorry I didn't get any photos of our food. We were so hungry and were half way through our meals before I realized I'd forgotten to take a picture. Oh well, such is life. Maybe next time.


*note: Lucy is short for Lucifer.

Honestly she really can be E-VILE when she wants to, and very sneeky, too. (just ask Lily about the metal shovel)


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10 comments:

  1. You never fail to make me want to cry - we all miss her sweetie. You can call me anytime sis. I like pictures - I want Clementine's too :-)
    I love you.
    Valisatie

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  2. I Love You Valisatie!

    I'm sorry I awlays jerk your emotional chain. But I'm so damn good at it!! ;)

    Clems was f'ing delicious!!! Shrimp, Crab, tomatoes slices & Alfredo sauce on French bread, covered with melted cheese & a baked potato!! Aww damn! It was good. I also had their Pepper Jack cheesy potato soup... oh baby, what a meal!! (shhh don't tell Rafa I had so many carbs for dinner)

    ♥ You
    ♥ Me
    CoreyJo

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  3. Sure - stab me with the fork then twist it - J/K, glad it was delicious. We might have to make a trip down once the boat is out of the water and marching band is done.

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  4. There is AB-SO-LU-TE-LY nothin' "innocent" about Kiera... I see her in 20 years from now with her own sitcom on syndicated tv!!!

    I shouldn't have read your reply to Val... now my mouth is longing for seefood and Alfredo sauce and garlic bread and... IT'S ONLY 9:30 AM!!!

    Hugs
    Jon

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  5. THANK YOU!! Not many people believe me when I say she's not innocent. Not a problem child, but verry sneeky & diabolical.

    Now worries Jon, you can eat what ever you like. The name breakfast is just so you know what time of the day you're eating it!!

    I hope your day is wonderful

    Câlins
    CoreyJo

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  6. Love ur post, only hoping for positive days for you, and if you feel like the darkness is creeping up, I will come over and whoop on it, any time chica! Love u..

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  7. Thanks Hon, it means a lot to me.

    Huggs
    CoreyJo

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  8. @Valisatie →Well now I know How to get you down here!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. ha!ha! The door swings both ways honey - what do I have to do to get you up here?

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  10. Um...Bake...Duh!! LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete

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