What's wrong? I kept asking myself. This is nothing new. You were alone all last school year. Why are you crying, it's finally quiet in the house?!?
It wasn't until I brought Jason his lunch supplies for work that I figured it out. He walks up to my window from the rear of the car. As he stops at the window I look up at him and I know. I know what's wrong. I know why I'm on the verge of tears. All I had to do was look into his face. When I did I saw Maggie. Everyone always says that she was yet again another carbon copy of me, just like the two before her. I don't agree with that. I've seen the photos of Jason as a baby and toddler. I see him in her every time I look at a photo of her. It only makes sense that I would see her when I look at him. I miss her, that's what's been bothering me all day.
With Jason at work & girls both gone at school all day I'm left alone for almost 9 hours. If things had turned out differently this would have been my last summer with just Maggie and I. Miss Margaret was the only one, out of the three girls, that I didn't get to have with me alone for a school year. I had Lily's first whole year practically all to myself with Jason being over seas for 6 months. I had one whole school year of just Kiera and I before Maggie was born. Kiera was only going to school for half days at the time of Maggie's passing so I didn't get that Mommy & Me time quite like I did with the others.
It's been almost 2 years now that she's been gone. As the girls return to school, I'm yet again reminded of the void in our lives. I'm fine one minute, the next it's like a Mac truck slams me in the face telling me, 'hey you! She's gone forever, she's not just sleeping in her room.' Sounds harsh I know, but that's pretty much what it feels like. I'm doing a little better now as I write this. (last night) I've made a list of must do things to help me keep busy, Lord knows I have enough to keep me busy until Christmas. It won't keep me from missing her, but it will keep me from succumbing to the darkness. I plan on actually doing my dishes & laundry so if you don't hear from me on F/B by 3 p.m. please call for emergency assistance. I may be in a housework induced coma.
Originally I was just going to post a few photos but when I started to type the intro all of the previous stuff just came gushing out. Thanks for sticking with me this long if you've made it this far.
Here are the photos from dinner out the last night before the girls had to start their 9 month sentence. It was a fun time, and the food was great as always. I didn't have my camera with me so I had to use my phone. No I don't have one of those fancy shmancy smart phones with flashes & 35 mm camera's on them...yet. hehe Sorry about the quality of the photos, I lightened them as much as I could.
Cletus (aka Kiera) & I while waiting for our table. ↓
Jethro (aka Lily) & I. ↓
When she looks innocent like this we call her *Lucy because she's the most diabolical at these times. ↓
She's really turning into a beauty. Sailor, you better get your gun ready!! ↓
He hates getting his photo taken, but he loves me so he lets me take them. ↓
Sorry I didn't get any photos of our food. We were so hungry and were half way through our meals before I realized I'd forgotten to take a picture. Oh well, such is life. Maybe next time.
*note: Lucy is short for Lucifer.
Honestly she really can be E-VILE when she wants to, and very sneeky, too. (just ask Lily about the metal shovel)