Rescued..

Dreams of yesterday

float through my

mind...

A life so precious

forever gone..

When all happiness

seemed lost...

My soul sinking

deeper and deeper..

Giggles & laughter

grace my ears

as life is renewed

and happiness

shines again.

~CoreyJo~

Pondering thoughts say what?

On days like today when everything is quiet and the sun is shining I sit and think about my life. About where I came from, my childhood. About the good times & the bad... I think about how my life is total opposite of what I had always imagined it to be yet now I couldn't imagine living life any other way than I am. That despite the fact that I'm not who I envisioned myself to be at almost 35, I'm completely happy with the path my life has taken.  I sit and think about all the people in my life, past & present. About how those people changed me, for the better or the not so better. What did they teach me? What did I take away from knowing them.. Have I changed them? What did them knowing me do for them, and was it positive?  I also think about the impact my online friends have had on me. I've never met them in person. I don't even know what some of them look like and it's been two years! I think about how I care for my on line friends just as dearly as I do my friends in real life. Does that make me crazy? Silly? or is it normal? Then again, what is normal, right? All I know is I do care, and dare I say Love, all my friends. On line or in real life, all my friends mean the world to me. It's just who I am I guess. I'm okay with that.

Ever since Maggie Alice died three years ago I often think about death and what would I be leaving behind should I die today? Well, that's not entirely true... I admit I've wondered about that all my life as far back as I can remembered. I've always wondered what would people remember the most about me? Would it be something good or something bad? How long would it be before people stopped thinking about me or bringing me up in conversations... you know, "Remember that one time we went to the fair and Corey....?". Those kinds of things. Would my children tell stories of their crazy mother to their own kids or grand-kids?  Again, it's just who I am, and I'm okay with that.

I think about my pets too. They are a crazy, annoying, loving bunch of odd balls just like the rest of us in this house. I think, are they happy? Do they know how good they have it? What would life be like for them if I hadn't decided to save them? What would it be like for me if I didn't have them. Daily life along with myself would be quite boring to tell the truth.... I very rarely turn on the tv or the radio anymore... even when I'm not on the internet. The silence has become a wonderful thing that I cherish whole heartily. I'm  not sure why, it just has. I'm okay with that too.

Those are the main things I think about during days like today. Sometimes these things make me sad, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I think of great ideas... once in a while I will try to execute said ideas, usually though I'm too lazy. I'm working on that, so I'm okay with that too. Of course all of these serious thoughts are periodically interrupted with silly thoughts as food, and why when I give my dog my $200 dollar ottoman for a bed and even give him his own pillow he chooses to lay like this?

I guess somethings will just go unanswered...

What do you think about when you're mind wanders. What sort of things go through your mind when you ponder your life? Think about it, and let me know. Haha! I really do crack myself up sometimes :)

Kisses
CoreyJo


p.s. I know some of you are thinking, you don't think about your kids and the Sailor?? Yes I do but that would take up a whole blog post it self so maybe another day I'll spill my mind about them.  :)

12 days past due!!

I can't believe I missed 12 days of what I'm thankful for! HOLY WOW! My only excuse is that sometimes I get in a funk. Depressions peeks it's ugly head in the door and says, "Hello my dear..."  It grips me tight sometimes and doesn't want to let go. Then something will happen that will snap me out of my funk. Shoving depression back through the door and slamming it shut once again. Sometimes it's something big and sometimes it's something small. This time it was something that I consider to be both. The sound of my kids laughter tinkling in the air is such a small simple thing, yet for me it's enormous. When you no longer have the ability to hear one of your children's laughter because they are gone forever the impact of your remaining children's laughter, or that of any child, becomes enormous. What most people take for granted each day I crave with an un-measurable passion. To hear my girls laughter, be it a bubbly giggle or belly rolling laughter, is a blessing I will forever cherish and strive to hear as much as possible. The right now is the only guarantee we have in life. You must grab it, enjoy it and cherish it while you can for we never know what tomorrow may bring us...

Today I'm thankful I get the joy of hearing my girls laugh. In such a short life they've lived there has been so much tragedy. Enough that some kids wouldn't be able to cope. Lucky for us our girls have survived the loss of their baby sister and their Grandfather, all within the last three years, with surprising ease. The fact that they are able to live life carefree and still laugh with and at each other and the world is a miracle on it's own. A miracle that I am thankful for. Life is hard, so hard most of the time. But if you stop and enjoy the good things about life, big or small, it doesn't seem so bad.

Now, since I am SO far behind on my daily thanks here are 11 things I've been thankful for in the past week and half...

1. Crock-pots... without one I would never be able to make pot roast...YUM!
2. DVR.... other wise I would never see any television... it's impossible to watch with 2 kids, 2 cats & a dog running around. With DVR I can wait until night when all is quiet and simply enjoy.
3. Flushing toilets... I know, TMI! But still, imagine life without it! now if I could just train the cats...
4. Washers & Dryers...I would never get to sleep if I had to wash laundry by hand.... that or everyone would wear the same damn thing all week!! (no jokes-- keep your pot shots to yourself. lol)
5. Coffee pots with timers.... Just set it up the night before and BAM! Caffeine when you wake up!
6. My kids memory... Sometimes I wish that my kids didn't have such a good memory... they always manage to trip me up with the truth... other times though, I'd not make it through the day if I didn't have them to remind me of stuff.
7. Unexpected company..... It was wonderful to have my Muffin come and keep me company while I was getting my hair done this past week. Muffin always makes me smile & laugh.. Thank you! ♥
8. My dog.... the moments we spend each morning, just the two of us, outside tossing & retrieving rocks in the driveway... He's always so eager to play and I swear I can see him smile while he waits for me to throw the next rock.
9. My cats.... not once in the last year since I adopted my cats have I had a mouse! I LOVE YOU!
10. Firemen... not only do they do a service to the community by saving lives at the risk of their own life, but help to support many communities through charities. Don't believe me?? Check out this charity

Quebec Firefighters Foundation
 for Major Burn Victims

     11. Receiving mail...usually receiving mail isn't so pleasant due to the amount of bills
           and/or junk mail we receive each day. However today I received a package from a very
           special friend. This package included not only the firemen's calendar you can buy from the
           aforementioned charity, but it included the cutest card ever!! I may have to frame it. Along
           with the card was a wonderful handwritten letter from my friend. It was the most wonderful
           thing evah!! It totally made my day and I still can't stop smiling! Thank you Jon-Jon ♥



So there, I'm all caught up on my daily thankfulness.. I hope I didn't bore you too much. I promise to try to keep up with the daily posts. Wish me luck! LOL

Kisses
CoreyJo

Oops! I missed a day!!

I missed a day in giving thanks so today there's two!

Day 7: I'm thankful for internet banking.
     I don't know what I'd do if I had to wait until the next month to get a statement so I could balance my accounts. How did Mom do it!? I suppose that if we didn't have atm's and bank cards to use it wouldn't be so hard. But since we do I don't think I would survive with out the the internet to constantly check my account!

Day 8: I'm thankful for smart well behaved kids.
     I'm so happy that my kids are smart. It makes parent teacher conferences so much easier. All A's and a couple of B's between the two girls. I asked Lily's teachers if there were any concerns and they all said "No, she's an absolute delight to have in class".  I'm just so grateful that my kids are smart and well behaved. I don't know what I'd do if they were hellions at home AND at school. I will gladly take their attitudes and shenanigans at home as long as they do well in school. So proud of you my Monkeys!!!

What are you thankful for today?

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks: Day 6

Day 6: I'm Thankful for my right to vote.
     I'm thankful that I live in a country where I'm free to vote. Where I can help determine what happens around me. I'm thankful that I don't live in a country where I have no say in my life. I can pretty much do what I want, be what I want, go where I want, wear what I want, and pretty much say what I want. All without the fear of incarceration or worse, death. So thank you to our forefathers for fighting for my right to live free. Also thank you to all military personnel  past - present - & future, for ensuring that I retain those rights fought so hard for so long ago.

What are you thankful for today?

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks: Day 5...

Day 5: I'm thank for the kindness of others.
     I'm thankful to our friends the Olivers for allowing us to borrow their truck while my car was in the shop so that we could have a vehicle that would legally transport all four of us. Also it was kinda hard for me to get into the Sailors truck. There is no sidestep to help and with an 8" lift I kinda need a bit of help, especially with a bad knee and a halfway jacked up foot. So thank you very much for your kindness, my knee and foot thank you very much. Trick or Treating was also much easier with one vehicle rather than two.

Here is Kiera (7) hanging from the Sailors truck if that helps you to see how big it is. (i think the tires are 35's).

This is the truck the Olivers let us borrow. Yes it practically as tall if not as tall as the Sailors, but it holds all of us and it has a sidestep to help me when getting in. Thanks again guys!!

Kisses
CoreyJo

Picture perfect morning...

As I lay in bed waking up I hear one of the girls pouring cereal into a bowl. Upon hearing this I suddenly remember that we were out of milk and I was supposed to pick some up on the way home from dinner last night. SHIT! I jump out of bed and tell the girls to get a move on it!! There wouldn't be enough time for me to get them to school and allow them to eat at the school, soooo McD's it was. With luck I was able to get Kiera to school on time, since she starts later than Lily. Lily was only 3 minutes late, and I think everyone even remembered to brush their teeth, I think... :/

As usual in my world if you are in a hurry then the universe is not going to be on my side. Today was no different. First when I walked out of the house this is the site that greeted me.

At a whopping 25 Degrees F the world was a frosty delight.

So of course the windows were frosted over and we had to wait for them to defrost because we don't have our scrapers out yet! (I forgot to take a photo of that).

Then the train was running, and for once I was first in line. They really should have those bars that come down to block traffic because this coal train was hauling serious ass..

After 130 cars the train finally passed and we were on our way. 

A block later and were finally there, waiting patiently for our breakfast.

And we have fresh from the fryer and the.... microwave (not sure how they make the McGriddles) our breakfast!

And our drinks too!

After I dropped the girls off I had to run some errands. What a day to forget my sunglasses!!

Finally about 9 am everything started to thaw out, but by then I was already cozied back up in my warm little house not willing to go outside and weather the cold to get more photos. Maybe tomorrow.

Kisses

CoreyJo

Daily Thanks, Day 4

Day 4: I am thankful for the little things.
     The extra hour of sleep this morning due to the daylight savings time change. The sunny day allowing my dog to play outside longer than usual. The tinkling of my girls laughter as they watch a movie. The midnight picnic the Sailor and I had last night in our room (which started with dessert: Vanilla Crèmesicle). All of the little things combined are what make the big things worth while.  Don't forget to appreciate the smallest of things. Besides what may be something little/small to you may in fact be very big for another. Nothing in this world is guaranteed so take what you can when you can and cherish it.

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks...

Day 3: I am thankful for car manuals.
     Two weeks ago I hit a deer with my car. It's been in the shop ever since. Yesterday it was finished and I was able to pick it up. Only thing wrong with it was once night came and I went to get in my car the lights didn't come on when I opened the door. WTH? No where could I find the button to fix this. There was the button to turn them on manually and adjust the brightness of the dash lights, but no button to make them work with the door. So today I am thankful for car manuals. Yes the thick book in the glove box that no one ever opens but is afraid to toss out. Without it I would have never found the button (right in front of my face) to make my dome lights turn on with the door opening up.


Have a great Saturday night & stay safe.

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks...

Since today is the second day in November I'm post two things I'm thankful for, one for yesterday and one for today.

Day 1: I'm thankful for good car insurance.
     Two Sundays ago, on Maggie's birthday, we were on our way home from dinner out to celebrate her birthday and I hit a deer. Those of you who live in the area know of a little stretch of M43 called the Glendale Flats.... Yup!! I'm yet another victim of the Glendale Flats deer vs. auto jousting matches. However  we, the family & my car, did fare much better than the gigantic doe I T-Boned...  Finally I get to pick my car up from the body shop later today! Yay!!

Day 2: I'm thankful for amazing friends.
     One of my closest online friends, and closest friends to my heart, Rafa, wrote me a poem. He writes all the time. Things that are funny, silly and often a bit naughty. Sometimes he writes something that touches my Soul and stays there. This is one of those times. Not only does he write things, he creates beautiful pieces of art also. Sometimes from scratch, sometimes from altering & combining images. Every year about the time of Maggie Alice's birthday (10/21) and the anniversary of her death (10/30) he creates something special for me in honor or memory of her. This year my gift is a little bit different than previous years. It's more about the feelings of those of us left behind than it is of the one who has past. It's very soulful and touching. I don't know how he does it but yet again he has managed to capture all of my feelings and translate them into something magical and combine them with an image that is as beautiful as He and my Maggie Alice are.

Undaunting Grief

It's beautiful, it's soulful, and I love it. I can't thank you enough for always being there just when I need you whether I know I need you or not. You, Rafa, are and amazing friend. You will always have a special place in my heart. I am thankful that you are my friend. Love you & don't forget to SMILE!

Kisses
CoreyJo

p.s. to read more of Rafa's writing and see more of his amazing artwork follow this link to his blog, Ramblings From My Typer.

Time Flies!

     Time may not heal everything (as I discussed in a previous post), but is sure does fly. Like most of you, I cannot believe that it's already the second day of November, of the year 2012 at that! I remember being in school and have to change the date on my homework from 1989 to 1990 and thinking wow!! Then later in life when I had to start writing the year 2000 on my checks I thought to myself that if this feels weird for me what must it feel like for my aunts and uncles and grandparents? My grandparents were all born around 1919-1921. What must it be like to be born in an era when not everyone had automobiles. Some people still used horses & buggies, and the reason had nothing to do with their way of life, simply that the automobile hadn't quite eliminated horses as transportation yet. Some people didn't have electricity or running water yet. What must it be like to be born in a time period of transition from 100% man power to the ever increasing world of technology? If I thought it weird to change a number on my checks & papers they must be completely blown away with the way the world has changed in just one lifetime. As a kid watching movies and everyday television whenever they would mention the future, the year 2014 or 2053, I used to think nothing of it. As if it was future I would not be around to see. Then one day after having my first child I did the math to see how old I would be at the time of her graduation.... it will be WHAT year!! 2019 is the year my oldest is scheduled to graduate. Then I started thinking what year will it be when I'm at the retirement age of 65?  2045!!! Holy wow!! I live in the future!!! If I live to be at least 85, God willing, the year will be 2062!! Just thinking about how much technology has advanced in the 35 years I've been alive makes me wonder will we be living like the Jetson's before I pass on to a greater place?  Will life be like it was in the movie Demolition Man? With the speed in which technology advances everyday (faster each day at that) one never really can predict what life will be like in the next 50 years or even 10 years.

     The saying "Time flies when you're having fun" has been around probably for all of time it's self. I'm here to tell you that "time flies" even when you're not having fun. It's been 3 years now since Maggie Alice past and life has felt like it's been moving in slow motion. It has not been all sad times, but the majority of it was. In saying so it only makes sense that everyday it feels as if time is dragging on. Yet in reality time has sped by me at a rate that makes me dizzy just thinking about it. It's already the year 2012 and my children are in grades 6th & 2nd. Really? I'm almost 35 years old. My sister has just turned the age our mother was when she made her a first time grandmother at the age of 37. My twin nieces just turned 18, the age my mother was when she had my sister (older of course ;)  ).

     So I guess the saying could just be shortened to just "Time Flies", because really it does not matter if you're having fun or not. Now back to it being November 2nd....

     I'm noticing everyone on Facebook is putting a status a day up telling what they are thankful for that day. I'm guessing it's one way to embrace the real meaning of Thanksgiving, outside of pie that is. I wasn't informed of this, nor was I asked to participate in this (pouts). However I shall endeavor to do this once a day thankful post here on my blog as well as on FB. Now for those of you who are on my private fb and follow me here publicly you may find that from time to time some of these statuses won't match up. That's because I will be keeping things a bit more G-Rated for the blog, at least that's my goal. With me you never know what you're going to get.

     Now I'm not done with this never-ending post yet so I will post my Thankfulness on a separate post in a bit. First I want to give a shout out to a wonderful friend of mine.


Paul Atreides is an author and playwright, a very talented one if you ask me, and well you are on my blog so in a way you are asking me. And I say he's talented!! His stories have made me cry, laugh, and even cry from laughing. He's an amazing friend, always kind and thoughtful. Not to mention open minded and hilarious. He has a new web page I'd like to share with you. On his web page you will have access to his blog, short stories, sneek peeks of up coming publications, a bookstore and even some links to other wonderful writers.  His latest book, (Marvin’s) World of Deadheads, has just become released. I've read the sample pack for this book and I have to say I will definitely be rushing out (clicking buy on my Kindle) to get my copy of the full book. For more information On (Marvin's) World of Deadheads just click on this LINK. Please take a few moments to pop on over to Paul's web page and check everything out.

Paul Atreides, Author & Playwright

Paul, I love you and think the world of you. You are the best kind of friend a person could have. I wish you luck in all your endeavors. Never stop writing or believing in yourself. Much love to you!

Kisses

CoreyJo

heart ache..

my heart aches with the love i have for you

i cry because i can't be with you

my dreams are filled with your beautiful face

i pray that someday i can hear you say I love you . . .

                                                                                                                                                       ~CoreyJo

Three years ago today I said goodbye. 

My heart broke and I was forever changed.

I am left with only my memories of you.

The memories don't fill the void but they do chase away the cold.

Your smile will forever bring light to my life.

The mere thought of your laughter warms my soul.

Knowing you loved me with all your heart keeps me going each day.

You may be gone but you will forever live on in my heart.

Someday I will hold you again and hear you say I love you.

I miss you more each day & I will love you always.

Love 

Mommy

Haiku Vegas...

Clandestine meeting...

Be there at ten thirty sharp.

Vegas life. I DO!

                                             ~CoreyJo

This weeks haiku contest is hosted by the lovely Chickory with the theme of Las Vegas. I love Vegas. The Sailor and I were married almost 13 years ago in Vegas. It was loud, garish, quick and cheap... much like the two of us! Ha Ha!! I hope you enjoyed my little poem. Be sure to pop on over to Chickory's blog and see the rest of the competition. Wish me luck!

Kisses

CoreyJo

Haiku Chalk...

This weeks contest is being hosted at Fleur's Pearls by Fleur herself, with the theme of CHALK.  Honestly I have to admit that I've never thought so much about chalk as I have this past week. Apparently my imagination for chalk is quite the limited. Outside of the dreaded classroom chalkboard and the creepy dead body chalk outline, the only thing I could think of was sidewalk chalk. Maybe because my monkeys have transformed their wooden outdoor play set into a continuously changing chalk art canvas. Due to the rain we've had lately I wasn't able to get a photo of it. :(   Anyhow, here's my entries into this weeks contest.


#1

Smooth and graceful lines

flowing across the canvas.

Concrete museum.

                            ~CoreyJo

#2

Summertime sweetness

Endless imagination

Man of steel flies free

                              ~CoreyJo

Please pop on over to Fleur's and check out the competition.

Have a grand day!

Kisses

CoreyJo

Haiku: COOL...

It's been a bit since I posted a haiku and it's been two weeks since the last competition. Of course I'm running late as always but I think I may just make it this time.

This weeks competition is being held by Grins @ Anger Management with the theme of Cool. Any form of cool. Of course my first thought was of Cool Whip.. I mean who's wasn't right? Anyways since I've done the whole food obsession thing before in Haiku Monday I went with my next thought. Enjoy

Black shades with no words,

The epitome of Cool.

The original.

                                          ~CoreyJo

Thanks for stopping by. Be sure to pop on over and check out the competition this week. Looks like a few of the players came out of hiding. Good luck everyone!

Kisses

CoreyJo

Hope...

the sun rises marking each day with hope

the rays warm my soul with their intensity

giving me strength to face the day ahead.

                                                           ~CoreyJo

You...

you are everything to me.
the sun, the moon, the rain,
the wind that caresses my skin.

when you are sad my heart breaks,
when you are happy my world is right.
your smiles brighten my day
like fireworks light up the night.

without you i would be lost
wandering in a world dark and grey.
you are my dream, my fantasy, my desire,
my beacon of hope that happiness exists.

you are everything to me . .

~CoreyJo

Who would a thunk it??!

Seems I've been given an Award and tagged to play a little Q & A.  Yay!! The wonderful Becca from Everyday Life has chosen me as one of her eleven. Thank you Hon!!


Here are the rules:

Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.
Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.
Choose 11 people to award and send them a link to your post. Go to their page and tell them.
No tag backs.

11 Things about me:

~I'm addicted to taking photos with my phone.

~I'm sporadic at best when it comes to blog posts.

~I am the BIGGEST procrastinator you will ever meet.

~If I could live on a deserted Island with a shelter & unlimited sources of food I would be hard pressed to try to find a way home. I'd always be nekkid and spend my days swimming & sunning.

~I have been on the hunt for the perfect pillow for over 12 years, ever since my pillows didn't make the move to California successfully when I got married :(

~This summer I got caught by my neighbor, Earl, sunbathing topless on my back deck... more than once.

~My 7 year old told me my hugs are the best because I'm all "squishy like" and surprisingly it doesn't bother me....much.

~My dog has been my main source of entertainment for the last 10 months.

~I love techno music

~Even though I'm a stay at home mom/housewife, every year I try to convince the Sailor to let me hire a house keeper...

~I love to read, but I'm a sissy. I can only read scary books during the day...

My questions from Becca:

~What are you currently reading or would like to read?

     ~Flanked by Cat Johnson

~If you could have dinner with one person living or dead who would it be?

     ~My Maggie Alice of course.

~If you could go back in time to one day in your life which day would it be and why?

     ~I would go back to a couple of days before Maggie Alice died. The day all three girls and I were locked in the kitchen carving pumpkins for Halloween. Maggie was throwing the pumpkin guts around faster than I could fill the bowl. It was an amazing day all around.

~Long or Short hair?

     ~It doesn't really matter to me. I've had all. Currently I have very short hair. See Here or Here.

~Favorite cartoon as a kid?

     ~Smurfs

~Morning or night person?

     ~Definitely a night owl!

~If your life was a movie what would it be a comedy, drama, horror?

     ~A dramatic comedy with a few horror scenes tossed in here and there.

~If you found yourself pregnant at this moment would you want a boy or girl?

     ~I would hope for a boy only because I don't have one, but I would love & accept it whatever the sex.

~Hit shuffle on your iPod or if you don't own one turn on the radio and name the first song that plays?

     ~Forever by Medina

~If you were a singer and had to pick a duet partner who would it be and why?

     ~Bruno Mars. He's an amazing artist who has a proven talent for collaborations.

~Name the last movie you watched be it on TV or in the theater?

     ~Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

My 11 questions for you:

~What are your favorite shoes and why?

~What's the #1 website you buy stuff from and what is your favorite item?

~As you read this, what is the first memory you have from your childhood?

~If you had to enter the witness protection program and could choose your new name what would it be?

~If you could be or do anything in the world (career wise) what would you/it be and why?

~You receive an unexpected package in the mail. Who would you want it to be from, and what would you hope to be in it?

~What do you think your wardrobe says about your personality?

~If you could change one thing about the town you live in, or near, what would it be and why?

~If you and your closest friends (in real life or online) were a gang, what would be your Gang Name be, and what would your nickname in the gang be?

~At what age did you realize that "growing up" wasn't what you thought it would be?

~If you and I were to hang out what would we do & where?

So there you have it. Probably more than you wanted to know about me, but hey what ever!! Now I know I'm supposed to tag 11 people for this, but quite frankly I don't know 11 bloggers here well enough to tag. So here is what I am going to do. If you are reading this (I Love You) and you want to participate please snag the award (all of you deserve it), post it on your blog and follow the instructions. Please let me know if you do decide to play along, I would love to see what your answers are. Otherwise you can just answer the questions here in the comments, send me an email at coreyjo77@gmail.com if you'd like to not be public, or ignore the follow up all together. Either way thank you for stopping by and visiting me & my crazy blog.

Love ♥ Huggs

CoreyJo 

p.s. Who would I be if I didn't post at least one photo? :))


This first one is a photo collage of one of my mornings last week.

This is a photo collage of a my view as I drive the girls to school each day.

Poetry & Pictures...

Fairies dance among the 

tears of the moon

as the golden 

sun kisses the morning.

Mother Nature breathes a 

sigh of awakening

as Father Time lays to 

rest another day.

                  

                                                 ~CoreyJo

Natures kiss gleams bright

As fingers of gold caress

Luminous dew drops

                                                         

                                                            ~CoreyJo

Have a wonderful weekend!

Love ♥ Huggs

CoreyJo

Time Heals???

Last year when school started I experienced a short but still painful bout of depression. With the girls gone all day the aching void left behind with the loss of Maggie Alice hit me full force for about 2 weeks. Once I became used to the quiet again I slowly rose back above the water and was once again able to function without my emotions dragging my down at every other turn.

Thankfully this year I haven't yet experienced that depression. I think part of the reason is the girls are both becoming more independent. During the summer I wasn't required to be hands on 100% of the time. Therefore when they left for school the first day the quiet wasn't such a polar opposite of my daily life the way it was last year. Thus allowing me to get through my day without crashing into a pile of mush because I'm missing my Maggie Alice.

Does this mean that the old adage is true? Does time heal all wounds? Some people believe this is to be true, and for them maybe it is. For me though... not so much. It falls into the grey area of things in life. Pain, especially emotional pain, is not black and white, no two ways about it. There are so many different kinds, and levels, of emotional pain it's impossible to be simply black or white.

For example the emotional pain I have in regards to Maggie Alice started out black & white. It was complete devastation. My heart was obliterated. For two years I lived in a haze of pain, physical & emotional, just barely getting by and only functioning at the bare minimum required to care for the other two girls. Over the last year things have begun to change. I almost feel as if I were Rip Van-Winkle waking from a two year sleep. How did I get here? When did the girls grow up on me? Where the hell did this extra 20 pounds come from? Things finally started to look brighter. I didn't dread getting out of bed anymore. I was able to look to the future and see more than just an unending void of pain. I'm now able to enjoy the moment again without feeling guilty.

Is the pain gone? No. Will it ever be gone? No, not 100 percent, but it is more manageable. Time has done that for me. However my memories of her are bitter sweet, thus falling into the grey area between black & white. These days the first emotion I feel when thoughts of Maggie Alice cross my mind is pure and simple joy because that's exactly what she was. A pure soul that simply brought joy to everyone who knew her. Then I feel the loss, a dull ache that sometimes feels like a sharp knife to the heart. I either get sad for a few moments or I cry from the pain of missing her. When the moment subsides I can't help but to smile again. How can I not? She's a part of my heart.

So even though the pain is not gone, with time it has become manageable. So in my opinion, No, time does not heal all wounds. It lets us to come to terms with the situation and allows us to figure out a way to continue on with our lives in a more manageable way.

Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo

Haiku: Hungry

Hungry? Who's hungry? I'm hungry. Are you hungry? What are you hungry for? A kiss? A promotion? A cheese burger? Mashed potatoes & gravy? Mmmmmm.... gravy....

This weeks Haiku contest is being hosted by Grins at ANGER MANAGEMENT, with Hungry being the theme of choice. Here are my entries.

Cravings

Breads, pastas, potatoes...

Delicious yummieness, Mmmm..

All things I can't have.

                                                                 ~CoreyJo

Excitement

Books, pencils, paper,

New clothes & locker combo.

She's hungry to learn.

                                         ~CoreyJo 

*Note: this photo is 3 years old

I hope everyone pops on over to Anger Management and checks out the competition. Good luck everyone!!

Here are some current photos of the girls.

Have a wonderful first day of school girls!

Love ♥ Huggs

CoreyJo

Photography App...

As many of you know I love to take photos.  Ever since I upgraded my phone six months ago it's been a lot easier to capture the world around me. One thing I discovered on my phone was the amazing app Instagram. It's an amazing photo editing app where you can apply different filters to your photos if you choose to alter it to maximize it's potential, whether it's a photo you've just captured or one from your photo album. I can't tell you how much I LOVE this app. I thought today I'd share with you some of my favorites.

If you'd like to see more of my photos you can view them at Followgram, or you can click on the link on my side bar where it says My Instagram Photos just below my blog list.  I hope you enjoyed looking at my photos as much as I had taking them & sharing them with you.


Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo