Time Heals???

Last year when school started I experienced a short but still painful bout of depression. With the girls gone all day the aching void left behind with the loss of Maggie Alice hit me full force for about 2 weeks. Once I became used to the quiet again I slowly rose back above the water and was once again able to function without my emotions dragging my down at every other turn.

Thankfully this year I haven't yet experienced that depression. I think part of the reason is the girls are both becoming more independent. During the summer I wasn't required to be hands on 100% of the time. Therefore when they left for school the first day the quiet wasn't such a polar opposite of my daily life the way it was last year. Thus allowing me to get through my day without crashing into a pile of mush because I'm missing my Maggie Alice.

Does this mean that the old adage is true? Does time heal all wounds? Some people believe this is to be true, and for them maybe it is. For me though... not so much. It falls into the grey area of things in life. Pain, especially emotional pain, is not black and white, no two ways about it. There are so many different kinds, and levels, of emotional pain it's impossible to be simply black or white.

For example the emotional pain I have in regards to Maggie Alice started out black & white. It was complete devastation. My heart was obliterated. For two years I lived in a haze of pain, physical & emotional, just barely getting by and only functioning at the bare minimum required to care for the other two girls. Over the last year things have begun to change. I almost feel as if I were Rip Van-Winkle waking from a two year sleep. How did I get here? When did the girls grow up on me? Where the hell did this extra 20 pounds come from? Things finally started to look brighter. I didn't dread getting out of bed anymore. I was able to look to the future and see more than just an unending void of pain. I'm now able to enjoy the moment again without feeling guilty.

Is the pain gone? No. Will it ever be gone? No, not 100 percent, but it is more manageable. Time has done that for me. However my memories of her are bitter sweet, thus falling into the grey area between black & white. These days the first emotion I feel when thoughts of Maggie Alice cross my mind is pure and simple joy because that's exactly what she was. A pure soul that simply brought joy to everyone who knew her. Then I feel the loss, a dull ache that sometimes feels like a sharp knife to the heart. I either get sad for a few moments or I cry from the pain of missing her. When the moment subsides I can't help but to smile again. How can I not? She's a part of my heart.

So even though the pain is not gone, with time it has become manageable. So in my opinion, No, time does not heal all wounds. It lets us to come to terms with the situation and allows us to figure out a way to continue on with our lives in a more manageable way.

Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo