Tissue Time...

Grab a tissue, your coffee and a bun or muffin, and pull up a seat for today's ride down emotional lane.

It's been a tough couple of weeks emotionally. I wouldn't have made it through this tough time had it not been for   my family and friends.   I have the best friends a woman could ask for. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on there were many to choose from. Whenever I needed a kick in the arse there were many a feet willing. Most of all whenever I needed someone to just listen there was always an ear to listen accompanied with a hug. A few of those friends went the extra mile to comfort me. With pokes, pinches, huggs & kisses some made me smile and feel the warmth of friendship. Some with just their company, or a bottle (or three) of wine & laughter. Others were practical and reminded me that it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to still need to cry and scream once in a while over the pain of the void in my life. One said friend also reminded me of this:

"Little Maggie came and brought a lot of joy and hapiness. She has become a little light that brings people together to share friendship and love in the name of her sweet personality. She came to give all of us a message. She came to remind us something we were not really paying attention to anymore. Once her job was done, it was time for her to go!"

I must never forget this, thank you for not letting me forget.  

Maggie loved in such a complete and unconditional way that anyone who met her was a better person for having done so. I believe she came into our lives to teach us how to love, and to remember what's important in life. I also believe that her death, and the pain felt because of it, were necessary for me/us to learn from her. She taught me that the way we treat others directly affects the way in which we are treated. That life is too short to not enjoy each day, and each person to the fullest. Also that just because the odds are against you doesn't mean that you can't overcome an obstacle or situation. She taught me what Love was really about. Because of her I've learned how to love my husband, my children, family & friends in a way I didn't, or couldn't, before her. I owe to her my ability to appreciate life and my ability to love all of you unconditionally.

Another friend wrote a poem for me about Maggie. He claims they are my words as I described them to him. I may have told him the stories of fading giggles and blurred glimpses out of the corner of my eyes, but he made my musings into magic. My sister, Valisatie said this to him:

 "Yes my sister can paint a picture with her words - be it good or bad. (Love ya Sis & you know it to be true)
With that being said, for you to turn what she described into poetry so beautiful & accurate that it cannot be described with mere words, only felt with the heart, is a talent all its own."

I agree whole heartedly. I would like to share with you his words. My dear friend Rafa left me this poem as his comment on a previous post.

Margaret Alice:

Pitter patter, through the halls
Pitter patter, I hear your calls
A giggle here
A whisper there
Search the house, you're EVERYWHERE!

I feel you when I lay me down
I touch you when I sleep
Yet when I wake with morning's light
I try and try with all my might
To hear your pitter patter
To track where you once were
To find that bit of glimmer
That once shone in my eyes

I know you're all around me
Shining bright and strong
I feel you tugging at me
Wanting to bring me near
So you can whisper something
Before you disappear

I try to hold you tight
You slip right through my fingers
Then off with pitter patter everywhere you go


Still the words escape me to fully express my feelings about this poem other than Simply Magic. I will treasure and cherish this for the rest of my days. Thank you my Darling Rafa.

It's amazing what my life is like. Growing up I never pictured myself having a family and being a stay at home mom. Sure I planned on getting married. After feeling so alone for most of my life I knew I wanted someone who would love me for me, Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Someone I could trust to always be there for me. I thought maybe I'll have a kid in my mid 30's. Never did I imagine I would meet and fall in love, to the point of no return, at the age of 22 and start a family at 23. I'm about to turn 34 here soon and I look at my life with wonder & amazment. I'm simply amazed at the path my life has taken and think to myself would I do it differently, any of it?  No, I wouldn't. If I did I might not have gotten the chance to snag the most wonderful man in the world. I might not have had my children. I might not have made friends with the many people whom I'm proud to call my friends. I might not have had the honor to have my life blessed by the most precious Angel ever. It's because of the love that Maggie taught me that I am able to look at my life and be able to appreciate what it was, what it is, and what it may become.

It's because of Maggie that I met Rafa, and in turn became a fellow blogger & devoted follower of my online friends and their blogs. It's because of the dinners, emails, phone calls, pinches & pokes, visits, and words of encouragement & sympathy from all of my friends and family, off line and online that I have been able to cope with the many pitfalls life has put in my path the last couple of years. It's to all of you that I send my gratitude and many Thanks. Without all of you in my life to keep me grounded I probably would have lost touch with reality a long time ago.

I wasn't exactly sure which direction this post was going to go when I started it. I knew I wanted to give my many thanks and show my appreciation to my family and friends, the rest just sort of came pouring out. I know it's hard to follow my wandering mind sometimes, so if you're still here, I thank you.  Hopefully now with Maggie's birthday and the anniversary of her death behind us for the next year things will get back to normal in my life and on the blog. However with Jason on nights for the next month who knows what's going to happen.

Again thank you all, for everything, and now for some photos. I know I kind of missed the fall colors this year. Sorry about that. Here is another photo of the maple tree in my front yard. It was a Mothers day gift from all three girls 3 years ago. Here it's about half way turned, in color.

Thanks to my friend, Amber, who is always thinking of me. I have a photo of what my tree would have looked like in full color if I had remembered to take a picture. This is her tree, but it's the same kind as mine I do believe.

Here's the sunrise from yesterday. Very golden, made me think of India. The sultry weather and all of the beautiful gold jewelry the people wear.

When I took the sunrise photos I noticed all the frost on the ground and decided to go check out the back yard. The first photo is of the neighbors tree frosted over with the sunrise lighting it up. The second photo is of our back yard. The sun is only touching the trees, it hasn't yet risen high enough to touch the ground.

There was one last rose that was trying desperately to hang onto life.

Everything was so beautiful with it's layer of frost.

Today's sunrise was incredible. It started out with an orange horizon and deep purple clouds above. My camera today just didn't want to co-operate so forgive me for any blurriness in the photos. It also wouldn't capture the colors until they had changed to the following.

It was the coolest thing ever. The sky was full of all these brilliant colors and the whole time they changed and transformed, as the sun rose, you could see this beam of light shooting straight up from where the sun was hiding just below the horizon.

It's mornings like these that I wonder what my friend, TICKLEBEAR , is going to capture with his camera. That and it's an amazing way to start a day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day, it's Hump Day!! Half way to the weekend. Enjoy the day and be happy.

Huggs ♥ Love


  1. Your family has been in my thoughts and prayers over the past few days. I love reading your posts; you have a great way of making us feel your emotions right along with you... xx.Carrie

  2. Sis, just a couple of things. First, thanks for the warning about the tissues - you know how I am about those. Second, I didn't love you because we had too - well maybe a few times over the course of our childhood;-), but for the most part, I loved you because I wanted to. Third, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way - I was an ass as a teenager. But thankfully I grew out of that phase a long time ago.
    I love you!
    Love, Me

  3. Aw Damn! I just knew you were going to say something Valisatie. I didn't mean you, well there were those times you were a bi...ahem..an ass. ;) No matter how you and I felt towards each other I knew you loved me, that's why you survived. It was the rest of the world that made me feel alone. Aw Damn! Now Mom's gonna read this. Shit!!

    Just because your loved or you know your loved doesn't mean you can't feel alone or lonely. As a wise friend once told me:

    Everything from your past has made you who you are today. Let the girl from the past go and embrace the woman you are today.

    The past is the past, let it stay there. I was just explaining my amazement at the road my life has traveled. I love you. I always have, and I always will. And now that you've grown out of the moodiness I kinda even like you.

    Sorry I made you cry, but it's not my fault you're such a 'sally'! Kidding. I cried too when I read the poem. It's just that beautiful.

    Love you Sis
    Love me

    p.s. I love you Mom! and Valisatie, I bet your kids wouldn't agree with you on the last statement about growing out of that stage!! ♥

  4. Thanks Carrie,

    You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers too as of late.

    I'm glad you like the blog. It's hard to put it out there, but once I do, I feel better for it. I was told it's great therapy and cheap too. They were right.

    If you ever need to get it all off your chest you can always guest host for a post if you want. :)


  5. Thanks CJ! I've got not much to say except that I really needed such an heartfelt post after my rather tiring day!

    Talk to you later!

  6. Jon

    I'm glad you liked it. I'm starting to do longer posts less often, you must have rubbed off on me (hubba-hubba).

    I know it's hard going right now. You & your Mom are in my thoughts. Might I suggest duct tape and or hog tying her to a chair. Just a thought.. ;¬)


  7. I didn't knew a tissue as I sense you strong, perhaps even wiser beyond your years. Another reason to be thankful to Maggie and the short journey she shared with you.

    Love your close ups of the frosty leaves and flowers. the sunrise is nice too. It is a good way indeed to start one's day, as one takes a moment to savor the beauty of this world and the opportunities/challenges ahead.

    keep well!

  8. Well thank you TeeBee, that's a very kind thing to say. :)

    I can't wait to see what I can get with the snow this year. I've been inspired by your photography of your daily musings to pay closer attention to the details around me.

    The sunrise is like a pretty bow on the present that is the day. Beautiful but only lasting a moment for it is only the beginning.

    Thanks doll


  9. thank god i'm not a crier or your post would have had me in tears for sure. You have an amazing way with words and you have such a beautiful spirite no wonder we all adore you so. I am very happy you had friends and family to help you through this time and I can safely say i know your pain well. much love is being sent to you my darling.

    @rafa as always your words touch me deply and leave me with chill bumps from there caress may you never lose your ability to put into words what we can only feel...hugs

  10. CoreyJo:

    You've given me something that was not previously in me. Your love and your loss of a child is uniquely yours, yet you shared both the good and the bad to help me understand how you FEEL. You've given me something I will probably never know on my own, and I am better for it.

    Your letters let me past your skin and into your heart and into your soul. To me, there is no greater gift. When I was sick, you even directed Maggie my way so I could FEEL her spirit and KNOW her love, as well.

    The narrator was not me, but you. The feelings invoked where not mine, but yours. I may have physically typed the words, but the words were already written, well before I sat down to type. Who says a muse can't pull the strings that makes the puppeteer sing?

    You have such a beautiful voice, and I am always touched by your words. No matter how busy and crazy life gets, try to never leave your writing to another day.

    You are already blessed, so smile on the inside and know that it's TRUE--


    P.S. Thanks Becca, for reminding me that I have an innate ability to leave the ladies cold from my touch. Oh well...at least the boys give me a warm reception! haha

  11. Thank you Becca, you're too kind. Thanks for lending your ear from time to time. It means a lot.


  12. Rafa,

    Wow, what do I say to all that? I'm touched beyond words. You honor me with your words & feelings. It's because of you I've been brave enough to speak out loud. Thank you.

    I am blessed. You are one of those blessing, and I'm grateful for that & you.

    You make me smile, and you help me to believe in that smile.



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