Yesterday was the first day of school for my girls, as it was for many of the surrounding areas. I thought I was ready to be alone for the day. I had a whole list of things to do. Bills to pay, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, and errands to run. As usual I did everything except the dishes & laundry. The rest of the day no matter what I was doing I had to fight back tears.
What's wrong? I kept asking myself. This is nothing new. You were alone all last school year. Why are you crying, it's finally quiet in the house?!?
It wasn't until I brought Jason his lunch supplies for work that I figured it out. He walks up to my window from the rear of the car. As he stops at the window I look up at him and I know. I know what's wrong. I know why I'm on the verge of tears. All I had to do was look into his face. When I did I saw Maggie. Everyone always says that she was yet again another carbon copy of me, just like the two before her. I don't agree with that. I've seen the photos of Jason as a baby and toddler. I see him in her every time I look at a photo of her. It only makes sense that I would see her when I look at him. I miss her, that's what's been bothering me all day.
With Jason at work & girls both gone at school all day I'm left alone for almost 9 hours. If things had turned out differently this would have been my last summer with just Maggie and I. Miss Margaret was the only one, out of the three girls, that I didn't get to have with me alone for a school year. I had Lily's first whole year practically all to myself with Jason being over seas for 6 months. I had one whole school year of just Kiera and I before Maggie was born. Kiera was only going to school for half days at the time of Maggie's passing so I didn't get that Mommy & Me time quite like I did with the others.
It's been almost 2 years now that she's been gone. As the girls return to school, I'm yet again reminded of the void in our lives. I'm fine one minute, the next it's like a Mac truck slams me in the face telling me, 'hey you! She's gone forever, she's not just sleeping in her room.' Sounds harsh I know, but that's pretty much what it feels like. I'm doing a little better now as I write this. (last night) I've made a list of must do things to help me keep busy, Lord knows I have enough to keep me busy until Christmas. It won't keep me from missing her, but it will keep me from succumbing to the darkness. I plan on actually doing my dishes & laundry so if you don't hear from me on F/B by 3 p.m. please call for emergency assistance. I may be in a housework induced coma.
Originally I was just going to post a few photos but when I started to type the intro all of the previous stuff just came gushing out. Thanks for sticking with me this long if you've made it this far.
~CoreyJo
Here are the photos from dinner out the last night before the girls had to start their 9 month sentence. It was a fun time, and the food was great as always. I didn't have my camera with me so I had to use my phone. No I don't have one of those fancy shmancy smart phones with flashes & 35 mm camera's on them...yet. hehe Sorry about the quality of the photos, I lightened them as much as I could.
Cletus (aka Kiera) & I while waiting for our table. ↓
Jethro (aka Lily) & I. ↓
When she looks innocent like this we call her *Lucy because she's the most diabolical at these times. ↓
She's really turning into a beauty. Sailor, you better get your gun ready!! ↓
He hates getting his photo taken, but he loves me so he lets me take them. ↓
Sorry I didn't get any photos of our food. We were so hungry and were half way through our meals before I realized I'd forgotten to take a picture. Oh well, such is life. Maybe next time.
*note: Lucy is short for Lucifer.
Honestly she really can be E-VILE when she wants to, and very sneeky, too. (just ask Lily about the metal shovel)
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