Change:

Verb (used without object);

1.    To become different.

2.    To become altered or modified.

3.    To become transformed or converted.

Noun;

4.    The act or fact of changing; fact of being changed.

5.    A variation or deviation.

Change. Life changes. People change. Circumstances change. Moods change. Ways of thinking change…..

So many things about life change, it’s inevitable. Most of the time we are not aware of the changes that occur in our day to day lives. Kids grow up, we get grey hairs (yes, these two things go hand in hand). The foods we like to eat, the activities we participate in. The way we do things changes with time, whether it’s from gaining knowledge or from just us changing as we grow physically and emotionally.

Without change life would become stagnate. Change in general is not always a bad thing. It can bring wonderful things with it. Joy and happiness come with change. As do pain and sadness sometimes.

Even though things and life around us are constantly changing we as humans tend to become secure in our lives. We do our daily tasks because that’s what needs to be done. We go to work or stay home and care for our families because that’s our roll in life. We go out with friends, take family vacations because that’s what we do for fun. Most of us in the world today live our lives from day to day and take comfort in our futures of our lives. Sure, we know the kids will grow up and leave the nest someday, but it’s not always on our minds. We know that we will eventually grow old and possibly feeble. We know that someday we will have to retire or change our careers to better fit our physical selves. It’s called life. It’s just how it is.

We take life’s changes with a grain of salt most of the time. Sometimes life’s changes are less like a grain of salt and more like an iceberg. You can’t just brush it off and move on. You can’t just pick yourself up and say, “Oh well.”, and then move on with the changes. Sometimes the changes that happen in your life sideline you. You’re so lost with what has happened in your life that you just don’t know where to go, what to do, let alone what to say. You don’t have that security in your future because you don’t know or understand how the future can possibly be in any way how you had always imagined it to be.

When life hits you with these iceberg sized changes that hurt you to the point of numbness you turn to your loved ones to help you through. To pick you up and point you in the right direction. Sometimes you don’t have that. You don’t have the support you thought you would have. You feel alone like you’ve never felt alone before. You’re scared because you just don’t know what to do.

When this happens, we must remember that there is always someone out there who can help us. Who can support us and help us to think straight again. Who will be our friend and tell us it’s okay to hurt, even if it feels like we are dying. Society, as a whole, are a lonely bunch of people and we need to remember that we are only alone if we allow ourselves to be alone.

Back to change. Everyone who knows me knows that I have had life hit me with a huge change that blessed me and devastated me. When I lost my daughter at the age of 2 I didn’t know how my life could go on (that’s the devastation part). When I began to heal from the loss of my daughter I began to realize how blessed I was. In the two years she was alive she was our family’s shining star. Once she was gone and the devastation of her loss began to move the background of my emotions (I say this because the devastation is always there, I have just learned how to move forward and function at life again) I realized how in those two short years I learned so much from my daughter. I learned what was important in life. I learned not to sweat the small stuff. I learned how to love unconditionally in a way I hadn’t quite grasped consciously with the first two daughters. I learned how to forgive and to move forward.

It took a while for our lives, as a family, to balance back out. I was able to live again. This horrible change in my life did not stop me permanently. I was able to overcome the grief and live again. I took this change and tried to learn from it. I tried to become a better person. Not only to others but to myself. As time went on I became secure in my life and my future again…..

Change. It’s something that is inevitable. It always happens. Again, I have been hit with a change in my life that has altered my future. A change that has floored me yet again. As I begin to process this change I have come to a few conclusions. I am not alone. I might feel extremely lonely at times, but I know I am not alone. I have my Peeps, and I must tell you, my Peeps are some of the best Peeps a woman could have. Another conclusion I have come to is that no matter how uncertain and scary my future may look right now, I know without a doubt that I will survive. Not only will I survive, I will thrive. With this change in my life I must believe in ME. If I don’t, there is no hope for a happy future. I must not doubt my self-worth. I may not always like myself, physically and or emotionally, but I know deep down that I am worth it. I deserve the best. I have given my everything to the life that I have led. Have I been perfect, no. I am only human. I must believe that this change in my life has happened for a reason. It may be a reason that I don’t quite understand yet, but a reason none the less.

Change happens, and we are powerless to stop it. However, we do have the power to move forward from change in any way we wish to. I am choosing to move forward in a positive way. I am choosing to use this change to grow as a woman. Instead of letting this change dictate the person I become afterward I am dictating how and who I am going to be after this change.

Change. Good or bad we can’t control it sometimes, but we can control how it changes us. Just remember that you always have peeps out there who love you and care about you. If you don’t think you have any peeps, just let me know. I’ll be your peep.

-Corey Canning

Did you know?

Residents of Hawaii outlive residents of all other states. Louisianans are the most prone in the United States to die an early death.

I'm thinking it may have something to do with alligators.... just saying.

How Rude....!

Rude:

1. discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: a rude reply.

2. without culture, learning, or refinement: rude, illiterate peasants.

3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.

4. rough, harsh, or ungentle: rude hands.

5. roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind: a rude cottage.

6. not properly or fully developed; raw; unevolved: a rude first stage of development.

7. harsh to the ear: rude sounds.

8. without artistic elegance; of a primitive simplicity: a rude design.

9. violent or tempestuous, as the waves.

10.robust, sturdy, or vigorous: rude strength.

11. approximate or tentative: a rude first calculation of costs.

     I might be many things, but rude is not one of them. At least I try my best to never be rude. It happens once and a while, hell, I’m only human. If I am rude I apologize as soon as I realize it. I feel bad about it and I worry that the person I was rude to (or anyone within hearing distance) will think me a horrid person. Who want’s that?  For the most part I don’t really care what people think of me. I am who I am. However I don’t want people to think I have no manners or any kind of class about me. I may not be high class but I do have some class, at least enough not to be rude to someone.

     Sometimes people perceive rudeness when rudeness wasn’t really present. Texting and social media are full of miscommunications when dealing with emotions. Why? It’s because emotion does not always transmit through the written word. While reading a book the scene is set, the mood of the moment has been set, therefore a small line of dialog does transmit emotion. However, when texting or commenting on a social media status the emotion your feeling as you comment does not always transmit properly. Usually it’s the person reading it that determines the emotion, or tone of the comment.  If the person is not in a good mood the emotion, or tone, of the comment is generally not very good. If they are in a good mindset the tone tends to be of a better, nicer, quality.  It’s just basic psychology of the mind and how everyone sees the same things differently.

     Usually when someone writes something on a social media post of mine that seems a bit rude to me, I try to think of who said it. I try to think of this persons personality and try imagine how the comment would have sounded had it been said aloud to me face to face. Most of the time it helps me to realize it was just poor wording that need that little bit human emotion, or tone, to make it not sound rude. Having said that, sometimes there are comments that no matter how you imagine them, or who you imagine saying them, they are a rude comment.  Sometimes a comment is just plain and simply rude. It doesn’t matter how you say it, or write it, it’s RUDE.

     Normally, someone being rude to me doesn’t bother me much.  In my mind I’m all, “HOW RUDE!”, and then I let it go. It happens. People err, we are after all only human.  I don’t call them out on the rude comment because then I’m just being rude myself. I don’t want that!!  Sometimes the rude comment, the one that can’t be anything but rude, hurts. Sometimes the person it comes from is what makes it hurt just that little bit more.

     I’ve had a lot of rude things said to me over the years and only a couple of them have stuck with me. Mostly because who made the comment. Until recently, it’s been quite a while since one of those comments stuck with me. This comment wasn’t anything serious, or even important, really. It was just rude. Taking into consideration the person who made the comment is probably what makes it bother me so much. They generally aren’t a rude person, but it's not the first time they've been rude to me over the years.  For them to just be blatantly rude to me kind of bothers me. Who am I kidding? It bothers the crap out of me. It’s not the first time I’ve felt slighted by this person, and because of who they are I’ve always just let it go and moved on.  This time I don’t think I can let it go. It’s not the rude comment I can’t let go of. It’s the fact that it probably won’t be the last time it happens with this person. 

     In my post about burning bridges, I mentioned how sometimes we have to take a path we don’t want to, but we know we need to. I think I’m at one of those moments. Not a burning of the bridge moment, more of a fork in the road moment. I can go back and take the other fork if I so choose to.  Small rude comments or slights against me add up with time when it’s from the same person. I don’t like feeling this hurt, small as it is. I’m not going to go out of my way for this person anymore. I’m not cutting them out of my life. Rude comments and feeling slighted by this person multiple times aside, I still love them and wish them well.  I just can’t justify making time for them anymore. If I see them, I see them. If I don’t, I don’t. I’m setting them on the outside of my happiness bubble.

     Moral of the story people, don’t be rude. It’s not nice, and if repeatedly done it makes you look bad. Think before you speak, and especially before you hit the post button. Read what you wrote and ask yourself how you would take it if you were the recipient of this comment.

Okay, rant over. Thank you for sticking with me if you read this all the way through.

XOXO
CoreyJo

May the bridges you burn lighten your way...

 "May the bridges you burn lighten your way, and the whisky you drink warm your bones"

Growing up I was always told, "Don't burn your bridges, you never know when you might need to cross the river again.". While sage advice, I have to say that there are some bridges that need to be burned. Burning bridges isn't something to be taken lightly, but sometimes it's the only thing left to do. 

Taking the fist step onto a bridge is not always easy. Some bridges we cross with ease, sometimes not realizing until much later, if ever, that we have even crossed one. Some are exciting and crossed with exuberance, while others are dreaded and fretted about yet necessary.

The ones that are the scariest are the ones that pop up suddenly. Appearing and seeming higher and longer than the rest. And no matter how long we look for another way across, this bridge is the only way to proceed forward. To not cross would mean that you are stuck somewhere you don't particularly care to be. Somewhere in which you cannot trust, where bonds have been broken. It's a cold and dark place that is swirling with pain and discourse. In order for you to proceed forward in your journey to a better place, you must cross this bridge. There is no other option. Once you cross this bridge, in order for the darkness to not reach you again, and cause you more pain, you must burn this bridge.

Knowing that burning this bridge is the only choice you have, doesn't make it easy. That doesn't mean that you don't have a heavy heart when you light that match, or when you turn your back to take the first step away.  It's doesn't mean that you will instantly be free of the pain you incurred. It will take time to heal and time to process the fact that this path can no longer be traveled or revisited. A shard of sadness may always prick you when you think of the good times you had before you burned the bridge, but only momentarily. Your heart knows that this was for the better, and to move forward and be happy in this harsh world in which we live, it was necessary.

When I saw this photo it made perfect sense. That even though we have to burn a bridge here or there, we shouldn't stay and dwell over the ashes. We should use the light from this burning bridge to help light the way to our next place of happiness, to keep moving forward. Use the memory and pain of this burning bridge to help guide you in future adventures.

I suppose the whiskey is just a bonus!

XOXO

CoreyJo

Silver???

I stopped dying my hair for the summer because it seemed a waste of money to pay to have my hair dyed red only to have the chlorine pools leach all the color out in just a week. I only dye it because I like being a red head verses being a dirty blonde (code for mousy dull light brown).  I just found out last night, while looking in the bathroom mirror, that two years of dying my hair red has hidden the fact that I now have dull mousy brown hair riddled with silver. YIKES!!

I'm only 35 1/2 but I guess with all the stress of the last 6 years it's not really all that surprising that the silver has taken root in my hair. I don't mind my hair showing my age, it's just hair after all. I'm just not ready to give up the red permanently yet. Like I said before, I don't dye my hair to cover the grey. I dye it because I like being a redhead. I guess when the day comes that I don't want to dye it anymore and I have so much silver that I get that dreaded "skunks tail" growing at my roots I'll just have to shave my head.

I wonder how I would look bald.....?


Kisses
CoreyJo

Shall the truth set you free??

I told a white lie to my kids about what happened to one of our cats. If you haven't read about it, you can HERE. Anyways, I promised myself I would tell the truth, or partly the truth, this coming week. I decided to just get it over with and tell them today.  I kinda told them the truth. I did tell them truth about her kidneys starting to go bad and that the humane thing to do was to have her euthanized. I did not tell them that I had her euthanized. I suppose that white lie was for me. I didn't want them to think I was a mean person for choosing to kill their cat. Yes I'm a coward.

I received a LOT of feed back about the initial white lie on what happened to the cat. All of it was great advice and points of view. It really made me think. Why did I lie about what happened to the cat? Was it for them.... me... or both?  And was it worth the guilt I felt about lying to them? I'd have to say, yes - yes - and Yes! I lied for them because with all the death they have had to deal with in the last 4-5 years I wanted to soften the blow to them.  I lied for me because I didn't have the heart to crush them like that. I mean how horrible is it to tell your kids, "Say bye to your kitty, I'm gonna go have her killed now."?  Having the cat sent to an animal shelter that helps sick animals get better and then adopted was much better. Also having the "doctors" at said shelter determining she was in too much pain and not able to be fixed was less of a blow. I also lied for me because I didn't want to be the bad guy yet again. It was bad enough I said she had to go because she wouldn't use the cat box. I didn't want to be the one to have her die too. (that's where the cowardice comes into play). Was it worth the guilt? You bet your ass it was! I won't hide death from my kids. Hell I don't have to. They know full well what death is all about first hand. Anything I can do to help soften the blow to my kids I will most certainly do. I have told them the truth about what happened to the cat, even if I did lie, again, about who decided it. Like one follower said, kids are resilient. They have bounced back as I had only hoped they would.

Overall I'm happy with the outcome of this whole episode. I generally don't lie to my kids about stuff. As a matter of fact, most of my friends & family think I'm a bit too honest with them. I feel that if I'm honest with them they have a better shot at living a more balanced life. No matter what it's about... boys, our bodies, morals... I feel that if I tell the blunt truth to the best of my knowledge they will have an advantage in life. They won't be guessing about it or wondering if what they heard in the locker room after gym class is true or not. If I can make them aware of how things are then they will be better able to make sound judgement calls. Like "How does the baby get out of her belly, Mommy?".  I told my then 4 year old the truth... " It comes out of the girls crotch." To which she replied with abject horror, "Oh My God! Yuck! I'm not doing that!". Now when it comes time to have the sex talk with her I will remind her that pregnancy can be a consequence of having sex no matter how much "protection" you use, and she will remember where that baby come out at and hopefully wait to have sex... If I feel they aren't old enough to know the answer to a question I just tell them that I will tell them when they need to know. Will my bluntness all work out the way I hope? Maybe, maybe not, only time will tell. I can only hope that my girls are comfortable enough to ask me anything and know that I will give them the most honest, unbiased, answer I can.

I don't believe in hiding life from kids, but if a white lie can soften the blow a little bit, to either them or me, you can bet your last dollar I will do it. My girls are the most important thing in my life. They have already dealt with enough in their short lives than any one person shouldn't have to endure. I do the best I can with the help of their father (who is an amazing dad by the way). I only hope it's enough. With all the positive feedback I get, it seems that we are doing okay with this whole parenting business. Thank you again to everyone who wrote in or commented on my confession.

So, does the truth set you free? Yes. That doesn't always mean you feel better. For better or worse though, you are free. No need to hide or keep up the lie. You can deal with the consequences and move on with your life in whatever way you need to.

Kisses
CoreyJo

Confession Time

Some are sins, 

Some are not. 

Things I want to share,

Things I need to just let go of.

Silly things,

Serious things.

All are things on my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I too have fallen victim to Candy Crush Saga.

~~~

For the past week I have worked harder on my tan then I have cleaning my house.

~~~

I'm addicted to Coca Cola in glass bottles. I only allow myself 1 maybe two per day.

~~~

I've fallen into the habit of eating cereal in the evenings.... so bad for me, but so damn delicious!

~~~

I have a crush on my husband. I will always love the Sailor. I don't always have like him though. Having said that, lately I've been crushing on him big time. I'm talking junior high sneaking a peek blushing kinda crush. 

~~~

I love having Adult Swim after sunset... *giggles*

~~~

I lied to my kids about our cat and even though I feel horrible about it, I feel it was necessary. With all the death they have experienced in the last four years, including the recent passing of my Aunt, I felt the need to cushion the blow of having our cat euthanized. Our cat Bonnie had been sick with a urinary infection that medicine was not fixing. Turns out it was her kidneys going bad. After discussing all of her options with the Vet it was decided that euthanasia was the most humane option. The humane society was willing to take her back if we could get her infection free. You see, she had to leave our home whether she was healthy or not. When the infection started she started peeing everywhere except the cat box. I'm told this is common behavior for felines with urinary infections. The problem did not stop and was becoming worse. We were forced to cage her, in the large dog cage we owned, in order to protect our home from being ruined with urine. Even if we could have gotten her infection free the Vet admitted that no one would adopt a cat who wouldn't use a cat box and would be required to eat a specially prescribed food & medicine for the rest of her life, which also meant she couldn't be a barn cat. Releasing her to the wild was not an option due to her medical difficulties. It would have been cruel.  In not wanting to crush my girls completely I told them that Bonnie would be going to a shelter that helps sick animals get better and adopt them out. I plan to tell them next week that she didn't get better and that she died.  I don't want to hide death from them. Death is a part of life. If anyone knows that, my girls do. That doesn't mean that I can't try to soften the blow a little. I feel that by waiting to tell them it won't be as traumatic for them as telling them "Okay girls, say goodbye to Bonnie so I can go kill her."  I feel by having her die away from home, rather than telling them the truth on how she died, it will be easier for them to process her death. 

 

Good Bye Bonnie. May you be at peace my sweet tubby.

Penny Thoughts

I know that I don't post much anymore. Mainly it's because I don't use my laptop very often. With smart phones being so capable of so many things my laptop has taken a backseat to my technology needs. Don't get me wrong, I still need my laptop and plan to continue to use it for this blog. Blogging more than a quick thought or a photo is entirely too complicated on a smart phone. I want to still keep in touch with the blogging world but just don't have the drive to do a full on post everyday. So I started a secondary blog connected to Monkeys & Windex. It's called Penny Thoughts. Basically it's my thoughts throughout the day. A photo of what's on my mind at the moment. I came up with the name because I had a thought about when someone is daydreaming and is asked "A penny for your thoughts".  Some thoughts are so random that they really have no purpose, others are "Ah-Ha" moments. All posts on Penny Thoughts are published from my phone with a quick email. I know I could send them to M&W just as easily but I really felt that my random thoughts deserved their own page. Sometimes you will see repeat posts between M&W and Penny Thoughts because I feel they need to be shared with everyone possible. Or because I may have a random thought I publish on Penny Thoughts while on the go and want to expand on it later though M&W. 

There are a couple of different ways to get to Penny Thoughts:

• You could always type in the url.   pennythoughts2013.blogspot.com
• You can click on the beautiful Gerbera daisy photo on the top right of my sidebar. The photo links to Penny Thoughts. (note* the side bar is only visible in the web version of the blog, not on mobile)
• You can click on the link at the top of the page, just under the blog title, labeled Penny Thoughts. (note* this menu is also visible on mobile. you have to click on the drop menu just under the blog title when viewing on your phone.)

One more thing about the Penny Thoughts blog. The Friend Connect widget is no longer available to newly created blogs. Personally I think this is the dumbest move Google has made with the take over of blogger. Anyways, even though you can't follow with the friend connect any longer you can still follow by email and other blog readers. At the bottom of the blog page there are the widgets for following. Maybe if you already have a blogger account you can follow Penny Thoughts by manually adding the url. Not sure if it's possible, but if you try it and figure it out please let me know so I can pass along this information.

Now I'm off to do whatever my fancy desires... which is code for doing housework.... LOL

Enjoy the day & smile!

Kisses

CoreyJo

P.S. Don't forget to let me know what you think of Penny Thoughts!!

...

Memories

Sirens deafening.

Heart seizes, my thoughts mired

in the past: Maggie...

                                                             

                 ~CoreyJo

Lent: The Shunning of Deliciousness...

Yesterday I did a post about why I'm participating in Lent this year when I never have before, and I don't really agree with the religious reasons behind it. Anyways if you want to hear all about it you'll have to go and read about it in Yesterdays Post.

I said I would think long and hard about what exactly I was going to give up knowing all along I would make a snap decision as I typed up this post. Guess what? I actually thought about it!! It's a first for me when it comes to my health. I actually weighed the pros and cons of everything. I must be ready to do this thing! I just know it, otherwise why would I actually think about it, right? Anyways I thought about it last night as I redecorated the blog. What do ya think? I'm liking the grey... That's another story though..

Back to the whole Lent decision.  I decided on carbs. Having decided that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go broad and give up carbs as a whole or if I wanted to pick a carb and shun it for forty days. I thought about which one would benefit me the most and the probability that I'd not fail so I decided to give up a specific carb.  I was afraid if I went broad and gave up all carbs I was just setting myself up for failure. This is my first serious foray into becoming healthy. I don't need to set myself up for failure. I just need to master this forty days and then I can reevaluate the situation and see where I need to go from there. So for Lent I am giving up pasta. You probably think well that's not really much to give up.. Well let me tell you what. Me giving up pasta is like Hugh Hefner giving up Playboy Bunnies. Pasta is the main go to dish I make. It is the meal I order 95% of time we go out to eat. I have a very unhealthy relationship (code for obsession) with pasta. So I'm going to give it up. By giving up pasta I will virtually be giving almost all the carbs I eat. I don't eat very much bread, and because I don't I will be adding on to my pasta shunning bread and salad croutons (another obsession).

In addition to pasta & the breads I will be trying so very hard to make sure that what I do eat is a much more healthier than it has been thus far in my life. I love salads, I just need to eat more of them and more lean meats. I don't eat very many sweets as my tummy doesn't like the sugar but I do occasionally fall and have a junk food crisis from time to time. I don't drink much soda (my kidneys do NOT like it) so I will try to not drink it, but I do I won't cry about failing and just give up. I will just stop at the one and start new.

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I'm only half way through my first day of no pasta and I want to panic. Of course I'm craving it. Of course my cupboards are full of it. Yes I will still be making for the rest of the family. But to be honest though.. the thought of dying from something related to, or caused by, my weight scares me more. I've never been a skinny person naturally. I've always had curves. I never have and nor do I want to be a hard body. I like my softness, and so does the Sailor, I just want less of it. When I turned 21 and discovered alcohol & dance clubs I dropped weight at an alarming rate. I became so skinny that I couldn't find jeans small enough that would still button around my protruding hip bones. Mind you this was 14 years ago and there were no low riding jeans. I was 140 lbs. I know doesn't sound very skinny, but for me it was very skinny. Anyways, I drank and dance and drank and drank and danced until I was very unhealthy. I changed somethings in my life (code for kicked the ex-boyfriend to the curb) and I gained about 20 pounds which put me on the skinny side of a healthy weight. I met the Sailor and we eloped to Vegas (←link takes you to the wedding photo post).  This was before I started to shrink in height so I was closer to 5'9" where as I'm only about 5'7" now. Anyways I was 164 lbs when we were married 13 years ago. I quit work to move to California and in the first 3 months there I gained 20 more pounds due to not working and enjoying life.  So that put me up around 180-185 lbs. I'm cool with that now, not so much then. I wasn't panicking because when I graduated I was 190 lbs. Then I became pregnant with our first child. Well there went the end of all that. I gained a normal amount of weight but that put me up above 200 lbs. Lets just say that after 2 more babies (3 total) and 8 years as the self proclaimed laziest housewife ever. I ballooned up to 263 lbs. Thankfully I carry my weight well. Even at such a great weight my body is still proportioned pretty evenly. A little rounder in the middle than when I was younger due to 3 pregnancies.

About this time last year I lost about 25 lbs., and have since gained most of it back. Today I weighed 255 pounds. Even thought it's been the norm for way too long and the Sailor still finds me sexy, it's completely unacceptable. If I didn't know me and I saw me naked... I would not think I was physically sexy. It's just that simple. I know my body will never be perfect. Hell I don't want it to be. I will forever carry the scars of my obesity, but I'm okay with that because they will be the reminders of what I can NOT allow myself to be.  

I'm not super religious like I said in yesterdays post, so I'm going to use Lent as my kick starter to getting myself healthy again. I have to do something and Lent was starting in just two days so I thought why not? So here I am on a public website not only telling the world my real age (35 if you didn't do the math earlier) but telling my real weight. How low does a lady have to sink to be at the point of admitting to the world her true age and weight? Pretty low I tell ya. I'm not as low as a person can go, but I don't want to hit rock bottom and have the doctors telling me to lose weight or die either. I will always be in some sort of physical pain due to other issues not related to my weight but the weight has done nothing but make the pain worse. I'm hoping with losing weight not only will I be healthier but the pain will be more manageable.

Now that I've spilled my guts about myself and just put it all out there. Lets hear from those of you who are participating in Lent or those of you who are making a change in your life. What are you giving up for Lent and why? or What are you changing about your life and why? I truly am interested. Even if it's something simple as cutting back to buying only one new pair of shoes a month or your planning to grow your own vegetables this year. Let me know! I'm nosy like that!

Be Happy, Live Happy

CoreyJo

Lent: Is it for only the believers?

I'm not a religious fanatic. I don't attend church. I don't say grace before each meal. I don't really know what I believe. I just know that I believe. Do I believe everything the church (of any denominative) teaches, No. Do I believe there is something bigger than us, yes.

You have one bible and many churches. The fact that all of these churches understand the bible so differently only proves, in my opinion, that the Bible itself is a guide to living life not a rule book. For me, it seems like it's a compilation of life lessons. How do we grow as an individual, a society, a race? We learn from our mistakes or the past. That's what a life lesson is. You did something, whether the outcome was wonderful or terrible, you learned something about life, hence the term "Life Lesson".  If you read the Bible what does it say? Well, first it tells you how we came to be. Then it tells you stories of things people did, or how people reacted in certain situations. Then it tells you the consequences or rewards in these actions. Sure all these stories revolve mainly around one key person, still they are all stories about things that can, have & may happen to any one of us at any given time. Life Lessons. So for me the bible, yes I've read the Bible, Yes the whole Bible, is a guide to life. By reading the stories of the Bible we learn about life and mankind. The actions & consequences of deeds therefore learning life lessons without actually having to experience these things first hand. Which for me is great. I mean really, do I want to fight with someone over the custody of a child if it's only going to damage the child? (that's the story about the two ladies fighting over the kid and the solution was to cut the kid in half, if my memory serves me correctly--it was a long time ago I read the bible--and the real mom was willing to give up the child to spare it's life). What did I learn from that. I learned that if you love someone or something you will sacrifice whatever you must in order to garner their safety and happiness.  The Bible, for me, helps to guide me in the right direction as far as right and wrong. I don't believe it is a set of rules that we MUST live by. It's virtually impossible. No one person is perfect (remember the quote about he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone, or some such thing?) and no one should be expected to be perfect. Bottom line here in my ramblings is that I don't follow the bible the way I would a recipe for cupcakes but I do use it for base line of ingredients to make something good of my life.

What does this have to do with the title of the post you ask? Well all of that was my long winded way of saying I don't usually participate in Lent because I'm not a "believer", but do think I will use it this year for motivation to do something I should have done a long time ago. So I'm going to give up something for Lent even though I'm not what the Sailor calls a "Bible Thumper".

It's been way to long that I've sat idly by and let myself get out of shape. Sure I've had plenty of reasons to be depressed the last few years, but at this point there is no excuse. Last year about this time I had lost almost 25 pounds. I have since gained almost all of it back. While some of it has been what everyone refers to as "good weight" (muscle toning) and my clothes still fit better than they did over a year ago, I'm still grossly overweight and sadly out of shape internally. The reasons, not excuses, for this are my love of food and lack (abject horror) of exercise. I have no excuses for not curbing these cravings and not using my stubborn mind to use my strong will to be motivated. I know I can do it, it's just a matter of doing it. Don't ask why I know this and still don't do it. If I had all the answers I'd be skinny, or what my body considers skinny. Anyways, I'm one of those people who will sit and watch those weight loss shows while I eat nachos or a burger. Yes that's me. I don't get all mushy and sad when they tell their stories on why they gained weight. Probably because I'm not relating to them, or more yet their reasons. I'm the way I am because I'm lazy. Sure I've been deeply depressed since my 2 year old daughter died 3 years ago. News flash everyone! I was fat before she was born, I was fat after she was born, and I'm still fat. So while I may not have been the most motivated person the last few years, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

Again sorry about the long windiness of my thoughts. Back to the Lent thing.  So I'm overweight and I'm getting mentally & physically sick of my state of health. So even though I'm not a believer in the reasons for Lent I'm going to try my damnedest to be true to the rules of Lent. I haven't decided if I should just be broad and say I'm giving up unhealthy eating for Lent or if I should pick a specific thing like bread or pasta, or just carbs in general. I know giving up carbs is a good way to lose weight and that when/if you start with carbs again you generally will gain weight back. I'm okay with that if I can control the gain and keep it to a minimum. My goal isn't to become Cindy Crawford or a swimsuit model. I just want to be a healthier me. I will always have curves and scars that will forever remind me of what used to be, but that's okay if I feel better and I am healthier.

So tomorrow starts Lent.. I will think long and hard tonight (code for wait till my morning post to make a snap decision) about what I'm going to give up for Lent in order to help make myself healthier, and let you know my decision.

I hope I haven't scared too many of you off with my religious ramblings... just remember I was rambling not thumping... These are my views and I only expressed them in order for you to understand that for me to participate in Lent is a big deal due to my lack of belief behind the meaning of lent. Because quite frankly I believe if something makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone why should you give it up, even if it's only for 40 days?

Be happy, live happy.

Kisses
CoreyJo

Friendship...

Friends come and friends go. Each person you meet has the potential to be a friend. It could be the person next to you in the check out lane, or at the next gas pump. Maybe it's someone who hands you your dropped glove on the sidewalk, or someone online even. It could be your mail delivery person, or the bank teller. Maybe it's your best friends cousin, or and old friend from childhood's spouse. You never know who's going to be your next friend so be sure to always wear a smile when you meet someone new. Sometimes these friends become super close and sometimes they are here and gone. Even so each person that comes into our life does so with a purpose. Once that purpose is served they move on or you simply just move in different directions in life. The ones who are your friends for always are still in your life for a reason too. We don't always know what these reasons are, but there is a reason I assure you.

Sometimes friendships blow up or fizzle out in a bad way. In these cases, no matter how hard it is, it's sometimes better to end the friendship. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can be your friend anymore because our friendship is only hurting us both." Sometimes that's not always an option. You still see this person at social functions or smaller intimate gatherings. In these cases both parties just have to let everything go and be civil to each other. You don't have to pretend to best buds, the way it used to be, but you can just be civil and polite. It's called having class. A person with class can continue to socialize without making anyone in the room feel uncomfortable from tension.

Some friends are instantaneous friends. The moment you meet it feels as if you've known each other since you were in small pants. It's like you've been searching for this person forever without even knowing you were missing them, but once they are a part of your life you wonder how you ever survived without them. These are the friends you can go to with anything and not worry about being judged. These are the friends you should try your damnedest to never lose touch with no matter what direction life takes you both.

Sometimes a person is more of an acquaintance than they are a friend. Don't ever discount these people as not important, or classify them as "just someone I know" because you never know why they're in your life. Be grateful for those in your life, no matter who they are. And if you are in the belief that you have no friends and you are reading this, then I'm here to tell you that you DO have a friend. You have me. I will be your friend if you'll have me. All you have to do is say Hi.

Also remember, Friendship isn't about what a person can bring into your life but rather what you can bring to theirs, and if both people are willing to give to the other you can have something special.

I wish you all a wonderful week full of smiles, joy & lots of laughter!

Kisses
CoreyJo

Soon to be new tattoo..

I do believe this is going to be part of my next tattoo.

I would like to get it on my left wrist where the model in this photo has the word 'Faith' placed. Followed up by this

on my inner forearm filling the space from the quote to my inner elbow area. Only I would probably nix the fish and add a few more flowers.. of course coloring the flowers a light purple to make them Forget-Me-Not flowers. Then I would have the branches/vines continued around my arm to encircle it and pepper the branches/vines with lots of the F-M-N flowers...

For those of you who don't know what Forget-Me-Not flowers are here's what they look like:

So.. What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, good or bad on my idea for my next piece of ink.

Hope your weekend was nice, mine sure was :)

Kisses

CoreyJo

Sweetness...

I 

remember 

your 

hair

your 

touch

your

sound.

Most

of

all 

I

remember

your

love.

♥

                      ~CoreyJo

What's what...

2012 was one Hell of a year. I'm happy to be able to say that as sad and heartbreaking as the year started out it wasn't all bad. Here's a quick timeline (sort of) to catch you up in case you missed something.

January

• Bank account empty due to overspending and poor money management on our part. :-(
• Cold as Hell yet not enough snow for the girls to use their new snow sleds from Santa. :-(
• Watching the Sailor Senior slowly get worse from the cancer. :-(
• Hanging out with my brother & sister in-law during these sad time. It was so wonderful to have them here with us. :-)

February

• The Sailor turned 36 and I got to laugh at him when he realized that it really isn't all that old. :-)
• Still cold as Hell, and still not enough snow for sledding. Lucky for us in the Sailors oh so advanced age he has become genius. He used the snow blower to move all the snow in the back yard onto the slide so the midgets & their aunt K, who I technically call a midget too, could go sledding. :-)
• The Sailor Senior worsens and the Sailor takes leave from work to help with his fathers care. :-(
• My beloved sister in-law (the aforementioned Aunt K) turned 40!! Whoot! Whoot! She doesn't look 40 (cow!!) (you know I love you ♥ )).  :-)

March

• Still EFFING cold!! No more snow. :-(
• Just now recovering from end of year financial crisis. :-)
• Sailor Senior takes a turn for the worse. Brother in-Law is helping the Sailor take care of their dad. :-(
• The Sailor and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. :-)
• The short midget (Kiera) turned 7 on St. Patrick's Day. :-)
• Later that night (st.pats day) The Sailor Senior passed away to better place. :-(
• The tall midget (Lily) turned 11. :-)

April

• Warmer weather!  :-)
• Funeral Service for the SS  :-(
• Family drama blow up extraordinaire :-((

May

• Not much happened in May, I really can't think of anything that sticks out as special either good or bad. :-)

June

• End of school year :-)
• Started our home renovation. :-)
• Endured a stressful home renovation :-|
• Finished our home renovation. :-)
• Bank account is now empty again, if not negative. I really couldn't tell you. I try to block the really bad stuff out :-(
• Weather is HOT HOT HOT HOT and dry... Ugghhh!! :-(

July

• Just finished the renovation and left the same day for a week of camping... Most miserable week outdoors ever!!! :-(
• Came home from the worst camping trip ever to a wonderfully new and beautifully renovated home! :-)))
• Unpacked my house... mostly :-|
• Became sick and stayed sick for the rest of the month of July.

August

• Stayed sick the entire month of August also. :-(
• Still trying to unpack my house, mainly the kitchen. :-(
• Prepare for the new school year :-)
• Horrific accident involving family members (all who are well and doing fine now) :'(

September

• Midgets are back in school!!!!! :-))
• Bank account still empty... trying to recover from the renovation.. :-/
• Go to the doctor because I'm STILL sick!! Anti's helped but boy was I hurting.. :-(

October

• Weather finally cools off :-)
• Celebrate Maggie Alice's Birthday (she would have been 5 in 2012) with friends and family. A good day indeed. Very good :-))
• Same day I wrecked my car in a one on one car vs. deer on M43...
• Honored the third anniversary of Maggie Alice's death. Therapeutic and heartbreaking. :-|
• Halloween!! The girls were exactly what they wanted to be for the first time ever!! A Zebra dressed up as a clown, and a spider witch! :-))

November

• Got my car back all spiffy and new looking. :-)
• Didn't fully recover financially but we at least got all caught up. :-)
• Thanksgiving was a simple affair with just the four of us. :-)

December

• Had a sex toy party to help launch my friends new career. It Was A Fabulous Time!! :-)))
• Got ahead financially and was able to give the girls a grand Christmas.!! :-))
• I turned 35 on the day the earth was supposed to end....Thankfully the Mayans were wrong! :-)
• The Crud that was going around the schools decided to show it's ugly face in our house. One Person At A Time!!! :-(
• Despite the crud infecting us we managed to have a sick free & joyful Christmas morning & day :-))
• New Years Eve was spent Celebrating a 65th wedding anniversary and later we rang in the new year with some wonderful friends. Love You Muffin!! :-))

So that's my year in review. There's more stuff that probably should have been added and I'm sure there was stuff I might should have left out.. Oh well, it's me and by now you should be used to the way I do things. Like I said it was a sad and heartbreaking year, yet it wasn't all bad. I know I haven't posted much this year, and that's one of the sad parts, but believe me I haven't given up blogging yet!

Until next time

Kisses

CoreyJo

Rescued..

Dreams of yesterday

float through my

mind...

A life so precious

forever gone..

When all happiness

seemed lost...

My soul sinking

deeper and deeper..

Giggles & laughter

grace my ears

as life is renewed

and happiness

shines again.

~CoreyJo~

Pondering thoughts say what?

On days like today when everything is quiet and the sun is shining I sit and think about my life. About where I came from, my childhood. About the good times & the bad... I think about how my life is total opposite of what I had always imagined it to be yet now I couldn't imagine living life any other way than I am. That despite the fact that I'm not who I envisioned myself to be at almost 35, I'm completely happy with the path my life has taken.  I sit and think about all the people in my life, past & present. About how those people changed me, for the better or the not so better. What did they teach me? What did I take away from knowing them.. Have I changed them? What did them knowing me do for them, and was it positive?  I also think about the impact my online friends have had on me. I've never met them in person. I don't even know what some of them look like and it's been two years! I think about how I care for my on line friends just as dearly as I do my friends in real life. Does that make me crazy? Silly? or is it normal? Then again, what is normal, right? All I know is I do care, and dare I say Love, all my friends. On line or in real life, all my friends mean the world to me. It's just who I am I guess. I'm okay with that.

Ever since Maggie Alice died three years ago I often think about death and what would I be leaving behind should I die today? Well, that's not entirely true... I admit I've wondered about that all my life as far back as I can remembered. I've always wondered what would people remember the most about me? Would it be something good or something bad? How long would it be before people stopped thinking about me or bringing me up in conversations... you know, "Remember that one time we went to the fair and Corey....?". Those kinds of things. Would my children tell stories of their crazy mother to their own kids or grand-kids?  Again, it's just who I am, and I'm okay with that.

I think about my pets too. They are a crazy, annoying, loving bunch of odd balls just like the rest of us in this house. I think, are they happy? Do they know how good they have it? What would life be like for them if I hadn't decided to save them? What would it be like for me if I didn't have them. Daily life along with myself would be quite boring to tell the truth.... I very rarely turn on the tv or the radio anymore... even when I'm not on the internet. The silence has become a wonderful thing that I cherish whole heartily. I'm  not sure why, it just has. I'm okay with that too.

Those are the main things I think about during days like today. Sometimes these things make me sad, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I think of great ideas... once in a while I will try to execute said ideas, usually though I'm too lazy. I'm working on that, so I'm okay with that too. Of course all of these serious thoughts are periodically interrupted with silly thoughts as food, and why when I give my dog my $200 dollar ottoman for a bed and even give him his own pillow he chooses to lay like this?

I guess somethings will just go unanswered...

What do you think about when you're mind wanders. What sort of things go through your mind when you ponder your life? Think about it, and let me know. Haha! I really do crack myself up sometimes :)

Kisses
CoreyJo


p.s. I know some of you are thinking, you don't think about your kids and the Sailor?? Yes I do but that would take up a whole blog post it self so maybe another day I'll spill my mind about them.  :)

12 days past due!!

I can't believe I missed 12 days of what I'm thankful for! HOLY WOW! My only excuse is that sometimes I get in a funk. Depressions peeks it's ugly head in the door and says, "Hello my dear..."  It grips me tight sometimes and doesn't want to let go. Then something will happen that will snap me out of my funk. Shoving depression back through the door and slamming it shut once again. Sometimes it's something big and sometimes it's something small. This time it was something that I consider to be both. The sound of my kids laughter tinkling in the air is such a small simple thing, yet for me it's enormous. When you no longer have the ability to hear one of your children's laughter because they are gone forever the impact of your remaining children's laughter, or that of any child, becomes enormous. What most people take for granted each day I crave with an un-measurable passion. To hear my girls laughter, be it a bubbly giggle or belly rolling laughter, is a blessing I will forever cherish and strive to hear as much as possible. The right now is the only guarantee we have in life. You must grab it, enjoy it and cherish it while you can for we never know what tomorrow may bring us...

Today I'm thankful I get the joy of hearing my girls laugh. In such a short life they've lived there has been so much tragedy. Enough that some kids wouldn't be able to cope. Lucky for us our girls have survived the loss of their baby sister and their Grandfather, all within the last three years, with surprising ease. The fact that they are able to live life carefree and still laugh with and at each other and the world is a miracle on it's own. A miracle that I am thankful for. Life is hard, so hard most of the time. But if you stop and enjoy the good things about life, big or small, it doesn't seem so bad.

Now, since I am SO far behind on my daily thanks here are 11 things I've been thankful for in the past week and half...

1. Crock-pots... without one I would never be able to make pot roast...YUM!
2. DVR.... other wise I would never see any television... it's impossible to watch with 2 kids, 2 cats & a dog running around. With DVR I can wait until night when all is quiet and simply enjoy.
3. Flushing toilets... I know, TMI! But still, imagine life without it! now if I could just train the cats...
4. Washers & Dryers...I would never get to sleep if I had to wash laundry by hand.... that or everyone would wear the same damn thing all week!! (no jokes-- keep your pot shots to yourself. lol)
5. Coffee pots with timers.... Just set it up the night before and BAM! Caffeine when you wake up!
6. My kids memory... Sometimes I wish that my kids didn't have such a good memory... they always manage to trip me up with the truth... other times though, I'd not make it through the day if I didn't have them to remind me of stuff.
7. Unexpected company..... It was wonderful to have my Muffin come and keep me company while I was getting my hair done this past week. Muffin always makes me smile & laugh.. Thank you! ♥
8. My dog.... the moments we spend each morning, just the two of us, outside tossing & retrieving rocks in the driveway... He's always so eager to play and I swear I can see him smile while he waits for me to throw the next rock.
9. My cats.... not once in the last year since I adopted my cats have I had a mouse! I LOVE YOU!
10. Firemen... not only do they do a service to the community by saving lives at the risk of their own life, but help to support many communities through charities. Don't believe me?? Check out this charity

Quebec Firefighters Foundation
 for Major Burn Victims

     11. Receiving mail...usually receiving mail isn't so pleasant due to the amount of bills
           and/or junk mail we receive each day. However today I received a package from a very
           special friend. This package included not only the firemen's calendar you can buy from the
           aforementioned charity, but it included the cutest card ever!! I may have to frame it. Along
           with the card was a wonderful handwritten letter from my friend. It was the most wonderful
           thing evah!! It totally made my day and I still can't stop smiling! Thank you Jon-Jon ♥



So there, I'm all caught up on my daily thankfulness.. I hope I didn't bore you too much. I promise to try to keep up with the daily posts. Wish me luck! LOL

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks: Day 6

Day 6: I'm Thankful for my right to vote.
     I'm thankful that I live in a country where I'm free to vote. Where I can help determine what happens around me. I'm thankful that I don't live in a country where I have no say in my life. I can pretty much do what I want, be what I want, go where I want, wear what I want, and pretty much say what I want. All without the fear of incarceration or worse, death. So thank you to our forefathers for fighting for my right to live free. Also thank you to all military personnel  past - present - & future, for ensuring that I retain those rights fought so hard for so long ago.

What are you thankful for today?

Kisses
CoreyJo

Daily Thanks: Day 5...

Day 5: I'm thank for the kindness of others.
     I'm thankful to our friends the Olivers for allowing us to borrow their truck while my car was in the shop so that we could have a vehicle that would legally transport all four of us. Also it was kinda hard for me to get into the Sailors truck. There is no sidestep to help and with an 8" lift I kinda need a bit of help, especially with a bad knee and a halfway jacked up foot. So thank you very much for your kindness, my knee and foot thank you very much. Trick or Treating was also much easier with one vehicle rather than two.

Here is Kiera (7) hanging from the Sailors truck if that helps you to see how big it is. (i think the tires are 35's).

This is the truck the Olivers let us borrow. Yes it practically as tall if not as tall as the Sailors, but it holds all of us and it has a sidestep to help me when getting in. Thanks again guys!!

Kisses
CoreyJo