Memories
Sirens deafening.
Heart seizes, my thoughts mired
in the past: Maggie...
~CoreyJo
Showing posts with label Maggie Alice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maggie Alice. Show all posts
4/11/13
11/2/12
Daily Thanks...
Since today is the second day in November I'm post two things I'm thankful for, one for yesterday and one for today.
Day 1: I'm thankful for good car insurance.
Two Sundays ago, on Maggie's birthday, we were on our way home from dinner out to celebrate her birthday and I hit a deer. Those of you who live in the area know of a little stretch of M43 called the Glendale Flats.... Yup!! I'm yet another victim of the Glendale Flats deer vs. auto jousting matches. However we, the family & my car, did fare much better than the gigantic doe I T-Boned... Finally I get to pick my car up from the body shop later today! Yay!!
Day 2: I'm thankful for amazing friends.
One of my closest online friends, and closest friends to my heart, Rafa, wrote me a poem. He writes all the time. Things that are funny, silly and often a bit naughty. Sometimes he writes something that touches my Soul and stays there. This is one of those times. Not only does he write things, he creates beautiful pieces of art also. Sometimes from scratch, sometimes from altering & combining images. Every year about the time of Maggie Alice's birthday (10/21) and the anniversary of her death (10/30) he creates something special for me in honor or memory of her. This year my gift is a little bit different than previous years. It's more about the feelings of those of us left behind than it is of the one who has past. It's very soulful and touching. I don't know how he does it but yet again he has managed to capture all of my feelings and translate them into something magical and combine them with an image that is as beautiful as He and my Maggie Alice are.
It's beautiful, it's soulful, and I love it. I can't thank you enough for always being there just when I need you whether I know I need you or not. You, Rafa, are and amazing friend. You will always have a special place in my heart. I am thankful that you are my friend. Love you & don't forget to SMILE!
Kisses
CoreyJo
p.s. to read more of Rafa's writing and see more of his amazing artwork follow this link to his blog, Ramblings From My Typer.
Day 1: I'm thankful for good car insurance.
Two Sundays ago, on Maggie's birthday, we were on our way home from dinner out to celebrate her birthday and I hit a deer. Those of you who live in the area know of a little stretch of M43 called the Glendale Flats.... Yup!! I'm yet another victim of the Glendale Flats deer vs. auto jousting matches. However we, the family & my car, did fare much better than the gigantic doe I T-Boned... Finally I get to pick my car up from the body shop later today! Yay!!
Day 2: I'm thankful for amazing friends.
One of my closest online friends, and closest friends to my heart, Rafa, wrote me a poem. He writes all the time. Things that are funny, silly and often a bit naughty. Sometimes he writes something that touches my Soul and stays there. This is one of those times. Not only does he write things, he creates beautiful pieces of art also. Sometimes from scratch, sometimes from altering & combining images. Every year about the time of Maggie Alice's birthday (10/21) and the anniversary of her death (10/30) he creates something special for me in honor or memory of her. This year my gift is a little bit different than previous years. It's more about the feelings of those of us left behind than it is of the one who has past. It's very soulful and touching. I don't know how he does it but yet again he has managed to capture all of my feelings and translate them into something magical and combine them with an image that is as beautiful as He and my Maggie Alice are.
Undaunting Grief
It's beautiful, it's soulful, and I love it. I can't thank you enough for always being there just when I need you whether I know I need you or not. You, Rafa, are and amazing friend. You will always have a special place in my heart. I am thankful that you are my friend. Love you & don't forget to SMILE!
Kisses
CoreyJo
p.s. to read more of Rafa's writing and see more of his amazing artwork follow this link to his blog, Ramblings From My Typer.
10/30/12
heart ache..
my heart aches with the love i have for you
i cry because i can't be with you
my dreams are filled with your beautiful face
i pray that someday i can hear you say I love you . . .
~CoreyJo
Three years ago today I said goodbye.
My heart broke and I was forever changed.
I am left with only my memories of you.
The memories don't fill the void but they do chase away the cold.
Your smile will forever bring light to my life.
The mere thought of your laughter warms my soul.
Knowing you loved me with all your heart keeps me going each day.
You may be gone but you will forever live on in my heart.
Someday I will hold you again and hear you say I love you.
I miss you more each day & I will love you always.
Love
Mommy
9/6/12
Time Heals???
Last year when school started I experienced a short but still painful bout of depression. With the girls gone all day the aching void left behind with the loss of Maggie Alice hit me full force for about 2 weeks. Once I became used to the quiet again I slowly rose back above the water and was once again able to function without my emotions dragging my down at every other turn.
Thankfully this year I haven't yet experienced that depression. I think part of the reason is the girls are both becoming more independent. During the summer I wasn't required to be hands on 100% of the time. Therefore when they left for school the first day the quiet wasn't such a polar opposite of my daily life the way it was last year. Thus allowing me to get through my day without crashing into a pile of mush because I'm missing my Maggie Alice.
Does this mean that the old adage is true? Does time heal all wounds? Some people believe this is to be true, and for them maybe it is. For me though... not so much. It falls into the grey area of things in life. Pain, especially emotional pain, is not black and white, no two ways about it. There are so many different kinds, and levels, of emotional pain it's impossible to be simply black or white.
For example the emotional pain I have in regards to Maggie Alice started out black & white. It was complete devastation. My heart was obliterated. For two years I lived in a haze of pain, physical & emotional, just barely getting by and only functioning at the bare minimum required to care for the other two girls. Over the last year things have begun to change. I almost feel as if I were Rip Van-Winkle waking from a two year sleep. How did I get here? When did the girls grow up on me? Where the hell did this extra 20 pounds come from? Things finally started to look brighter. I didn't dread getting out of bed anymore. I was able to look to the future and see more than just an unending void of pain. I'm now able to enjoy the moment again without feeling guilty.
Is the pain gone? No. Will it ever be gone? No, not 100 percent, but it is more manageable. Time has done that for me. However my memories of her are bitter sweet, thus falling into the grey area between black & white. These days the first emotion I feel when thoughts of Maggie Alice cross my mind is pure and simple joy because that's exactly what she was. A pure soul that simply brought joy to everyone who knew her. Then I feel the loss, a dull ache that sometimes feels like a sharp knife to the heart. I either get sad for a few moments or I cry from the pain of missing her. When the moment subsides I can't help but to smile again. How can I not? She's a part of my heart.
So even though the pain is not gone, with time it has become manageable. So in my opinion, No, time does not heal all wounds. It lets us to come to terms with the situation and allows us to figure out a way to continue on with our lives in a more manageable way.
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
Thankfully this year I haven't yet experienced that depression. I think part of the reason is the girls are both becoming more independent. During the summer I wasn't required to be hands on 100% of the time. Therefore when they left for school the first day the quiet wasn't such a polar opposite of my daily life the way it was last year. Thus allowing me to get through my day without crashing into a pile of mush because I'm missing my Maggie Alice.
Does this mean that the old adage is true? Does time heal all wounds? Some people believe this is to be true, and for them maybe it is. For me though... not so much. It falls into the grey area of things in life. Pain, especially emotional pain, is not black and white, no two ways about it. There are so many different kinds, and levels, of emotional pain it's impossible to be simply black or white.
For example the emotional pain I have in regards to Maggie Alice started out black & white. It was complete devastation. My heart was obliterated. For two years I lived in a haze of pain, physical & emotional, just barely getting by and only functioning at the bare minimum required to care for the other two girls. Over the last year things have begun to change. I almost feel as if I were Rip Van-Winkle waking from a two year sleep. How did I get here? When did the girls grow up on me? Where the hell did this extra 20 pounds come from? Things finally started to look brighter. I didn't dread getting out of bed anymore. I was able to look to the future and see more than just an unending void of pain. I'm now able to enjoy the moment again without feeling guilty.
Is the pain gone? No. Will it ever be gone? No, not 100 percent, but it is more manageable. Time has done that for me. However my memories of her are bitter sweet, thus falling into the grey area between black & white. These days the first emotion I feel when thoughts of Maggie Alice cross my mind is pure and simple joy because that's exactly what she was. A pure soul that simply brought joy to everyone who knew her. Then I feel the loss, a dull ache that sometimes feels like a sharp knife to the heart. I either get sad for a few moments or I cry from the pain of missing her. When the moment subsides I can't help but to smile again. How can I not? She's a part of my heart.
So even though the pain is not gone, with time it has become manageable. So in my opinion, No, time does not heal all wounds. It lets us to come to terms with the situation and allows us to figure out a way to continue on with our lives in a more manageable way.
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
8/14/12
Life Uncharted
This time of year is always hard for me. After having the girls 24/7 for three months I have to adjust to being alone for up to 9 hours a day. It's always a difficult adjustment for me because being alone during the day always brings home the fact that Maggie Alice is no longer with us. Each day I miss her more and more. Sometimes I just stare at the photo of her on our dresser and it all just seems so surreal. Both the before and the after. The time before her death seems surreal in the fact that sometimes it feels as if it was just a realistic dream or fantasy. The time since her death seems surreal because I'm living the life of a news story. When you hear about someone losing their child on the news you never think that someday it's going to be you. Yet here I am almost 3 years after her death still trying to come to terms with the fact that she's NOT here anymore. I'm not going to wake up from the horrid dream where I lose my baby girl. Sometimes I just look at her photo and think to myself, "WOW!! She's really gone." Other times I look at her photo and think, "WOW!! Her cheeks were FAT!". Well they were!! To be honest with you most of the time I pass by her photo, whether it the one the dresser or one on a wall, without even looking at it or thinking about it. I'm always aware of it being there, but suppose I feel that maybe if I don't acknowledge the photo the pain of losing her won't bother me as much today. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Lately it hasn't been working...
I've been thinking about Maggie Alice a lot lately. Not just the good times but the bad too. More specifically the day she died. Every single thing about the day, big or small. Be it the smell of the hospital, or the feel of her tiny hand in mine, the bright lights, or kissing her one last time telling her goodbye. The smells, sounds, and feelings, both emotional and the physical just keep replaying in my mind. I'm not sure why that day is the one my mind is focusing on but I feel as if there's a reason why. What that reason may be, I don't know. I don't try to figure things out anymore. I just roll with the punches hoping I come out the other side unscathed, or at the very least only slightly beat up.
Life has a way of working it self out if you just let it. I've learned to not over analyse every little thing. I'm sure my brain will figure out why I keep reliving that fateful day sooner or later. Whether or not I realize it or not is another story.....
At least now at the end of the day I have a warm fuzzy feeling inside just from the thought of her, whether I laughed or cried, I can now feel not just the loss of her, but her love itself.
Mommy loves you Maggie Alice
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
p.s. Seriously, she really did have fat cheeks!!
I've been thinking about Maggie Alice a lot lately. Not just the good times but the bad too. More specifically the day she died. Every single thing about the day, big or small. Be it the smell of the hospital, or the feel of her tiny hand in mine, the bright lights, or kissing her one last time telling her goodbye. The smells, sounds, and feelings, both emotional and the physical just keep replaying in my mind. I'm not sure why that day is the one my mind is focusing on but I feel as if there's a reason why. What that reason may be, I don't know. I don't try to figure things out anymore. I just roll with the punches hoping I come out the other side unscathed, or at the very least only slightly beat up.
Life has a way of working it self out if you just let it. I've learned to not over analyse every little thing. I'm sure my brain will figure out why I keep reliving that fateful day sooner or later. Whether or not I realize it or not is another story.....
At least now at the end of the day I have a warm fuzzy feeling inside just from the thought of her, whether I laughed or cried, I can now feel not just the loss of her, but her love itself.
Mommy loves you Maggie Alice
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
p.s. Seriously, she really did have fat cheeks!!
6/5/12
Haiku Hurricane...
I know I'm late for the actual contest, but I just had to post it anyways. I hope you enjoy it.
From out of no where,
A force to be reckoned with.
That was Margaret.
~CoreyJo
Margaret, aka Maggie Alice, came into this world with a bang. A BIG bang. At the end of a normal pregnancy she was taken from my body during an emergency cesarean. I was having the normal monitors strapped on for child birth and ten minutes later I was knocked out cold. I didn't even get to tell the Sailor I loved him. The last thing I remember is the scalpel touching my lower abdomen and hearing the doctor lady say, "Tell me when, tell me when, tell me wh....". Then I was waking up in the O.R. waiting for ex-rays, to make sure nothing was left inside upon closing me up. This all happened at 8pm on a Sunday night.
During the night the medical staff realized something was wrong with Margaret. Her heart rate was only 49 b/min when it should have been closer to 110-120 b/min. Being in a small town they took EKG's and other readings of hers and sent them to the neighboring town which has a heart center. They called back and said it was too much for them and they were sending the readings to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital (an hour away). They called our doctor and said they would be there in 2 hours to get her and transfer her to their facility. They were here and gone in less than 3 hours with the Sailor in hot pursuit behind their ambulance, leaving me behind with my sister to check out and follow. Approximately 18 hours after a cesarean I stood up and walked out (more like hunched over and hobbled, but you get the point) of the hospital on my way to my baby.
It turns out that Margaret had what was called Long QT syndrome. Basically the bottom of the heart, after squeezing closed, takes too long to open back up for the next heart beat therefore throwing off the rhythm of the heart. This is why Margaret's heart rate was so low. Her condition was the worst the world had ever seen and also was present in the youngest person on record (at the time). Is this curable? No. Is it manageable? Yes.
At Three days old Margaret had a pacemaker installed. Combined with a two heart medications, the pacemaker allowed Margaret to live a normal life only restricting her from physical contact sports. At 23 days old, after a few medical setbacks common with surgeries on newborns, she was finally released from the hospital to come home. Once at home our lives settled into a normal family routine, only differing in that we had to give Margaret medicine every 8 hours. Life was good again. We had our baby and everyone was in love with her.
At 8 months old Margaret had a seizure which landed her back at DeVos for another surgery. This time to replace the pacemaker with a combination pacemaker/ICD. (which she was too small for at birth). After only 4 days this time we were able to bring Margaret home again.
Life went on as normal as possible. Margaret was an outgoing busy body of a baby. Very independent and loving. Always causing mischief with her older sisters and truly believing that she was the queen of the house and ruled all that she could see, and all those she knew. She didn't understand that she was supposed to avoid physical impact and in turn was the most daring baby I knew. She would climb anything and jump from anywhere just to have fun. Instead of keeping up with the older girls they were having to keep up with her, constantly saving her from impact with one thing or another, usually the floor.
Margaret was the happiest baby ever. She always cooperated with the doctors and the many tests they preformed on a regular basis .Complaining about nothing outside of getting her way and wanting more food.
Just like a true hurricane, Margaret came into our lives with such force and abandonment, rocking us all with her amazing self and bowling us over in her take no prisoners attitude, only to leave us just as quickly as she came.
Nine days after Margaret's second birthday her heart decided it had had enough and for whatever reason her ICD did not detect that she wasn't responding to her pacemaker. Again, just like a true hurricane Margaret left us quickly and in her wake she left irreparable destruction & devastation. Leaving us with memories that will last us all for more than a lifetime.
Two and a half years later the memory of her still lives vividly in my heart and my mind. The pain is still there and the love is too. Just like a hurricane she will be forever in our memories, not just the pain and destruction but also the beauty & sheer magnitude that was Margaret.
I didn't really want to write all this much but a friend told me I "MUST write the background story...it's part of YOUR healing." I took his advice and tried to keep it short and to the point. As you can tell I wasn't exactly successful at that. Oh well, to leave a part out of Margaret's story would be like not broadcasting the actual storm, and only reporting that it was coming and this is what it left behind. I hope I didn't depress anyone (sorry Terri for another tear jerker). My intent was only to show how Margaret was like a hurricane in my life. I'm also sorry that I missed the deadline for the contest, but in my defense I have been swamped with this remodeling of our house and just lost track of which day it was. Oh well, such is life.
If you'd like to see those who DID make the dead line you can just follow this link to Karl's Korner and check out everyone else's entry(ies). Good luck to all of you not late for the party, and thanks to everyone for making it this far in my post.
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
*** the photograph by Martin Kucera has been altered by me.
3/28/12
Spring Time...
I'm happy to report this is the second post in a row with no tissue alert attached to the top!! Yay!!
Today's post is about my nature and the camera on my phone. I'm still not sure about the camera on my new Droid Razr. It takes amazing photos but when comes to getting the close ups of nature and sunsets & sunrises... it's just really hard to beat my Kodak. As persnickety as my Kodak is, it truly has taken the absolute best color photos I have. Especially the ones that are close up. I'm not giving up hope on my Razr though. So far indoors it's done magnificent. It's the outdoor photos that give me pause. I can't tell you how many photos I took of the daffodils before I got any that were in focus. Even though I was trying to focus on the main bloom of the flower the background was always the clearest leaving the bloom slightly out of focus. The fact that the wind was blowing the flowers all over didn't help much. All the photos for today, minus the sunrise's at the end (taken with the Kodak), were all taken with my Razr.
These are the cat tails in the ditch fluffing out for Spring.
Here's my new flower box the Sailor and his brother built for me. I haven't planted anything in it yet because the stores don't have any plants yet! No I won't be doing any vegetables or plants from seeds. If I can manage to keep this box alive this year who knows what I'll do next year.
This is the non fruit bearing Cleveland Flowering Pear tree that we planted for Maggie on her birthday in 2010. Almost one year after she passed. When we planted her tree we spread some of her ashes in with the dirt. To us and all that know us this is "Maggie's Tree". This is the first year it's bloomed. We were all so excited to see it flowering. Isn't it just beautiful!!
Lastly here are the sunrise photos from yesterday morning. These two are for my new friend and fellow blogger Robin whom you can find at Life in Queue.
I hope you've enjoyed the first tour of the Spring season. Hopefully there will be lots more to come....once the stores stock their green houses!! Since I don't have any idea yet of what I want to plant why don't all of you leave a comment and let me know what your favorite Full Sun garden plant is. This way I'll have some ideas of what to look for when I do buy some plants.
Thanks again for stopping in and sticking around long enough to read this far. I'm off to have breakfast with Kiera for National Reading Month. Speaking of which, Congrats to Kiera for meeting her goal of 20 books read in the month of March! Way to go Cletus!!
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
2/13/12
Haiku...
Electric heartbeat
One hundred times a minute.
Modern Medicine.
~CoreyJo
~CoreyJo
Sometimes messing with the natural order
of things can be a good thing.
♥
11/2/11
Tissue Time...
Grab a tissue, your coffee and a bun or muffin, and pull up a seat for today's ride down emotional lane.
It's been a tough couple of weeks emotionally. I wouldn't have made it through this tough time had it not been for my family and friends. I have the best friends a woman could ask for. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on there were many to choose from. Whenever I needed a kick in the arse there were many a feet willing. Most of all whenever I needed someone to just listen there was always an ear to listen accompanied with a hug. A few of those friends went the extra mile to comfort me. With pokes, pinches, huggs & kisses some made me smile and feel the warmth of friendship. Some with just their company, or a bottle (or three) of wine & laughter. Others were practical and reminded me that it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to still need to cry and scream once in a while over the pain of the void in my life. One said friend also reminded me of this:
"Little Maggie came and brought a lot of joy and hapiness. She has become a little light that brings people together to share friendship and love in the name of her sweet personality. She came to give all of us a message. She came to remind us something we were not really paying attention to anymore. Once her job was done, it was time for her to go!"
I must never forget this, thank you for not letting me forget.
Maggie loved in such a complete and unconditional way that anyone who met her was a better person for having done so. I believe she came into our lives to teach us how to love, and to remember what's important in life. I also believe that her death, and the pain felt because of it, were necessary for me/us to learn from her. She taught me that the way we treat others directly affects the way in which we are treated. That life is too short to not enjoy each day, and each person to the fullest. Also that just because the odds are against you doesn't mean that you can't overcome an obstacle or situation. She taught me what Love was really about. Because of her I've learned how to love my husband, my children, family & friends in a way I didn't, or couldn't, before her. I owe to her my ability to appreciate life and my ability to love all of you unconditionally.
Another friend wrote a poem for me about Maggie. He claims they are my words as I described them to him. I may have told him the stories of fading giggles and blurred glimpses out of the corner of my eyes, but he made my musings into magic. My sister, Valisatie said this to him:
"Yes my sister can paint a picture with her words - be it good or bad. (Love ya Sis & you know it to be true)
With that being said, for you to turn what she described into poetry so beautiful & accurate that it cannot be described with mere words, only felt with the heart, is a talent all its own."
Still the words escape me to fully express my feelings about this poem other than Simply Magic. I will treasure and cherish this for the rest of my days. Thank you my Darling Rafa.
It's amazing what my life is like. Growing up I never pictured myself having a family and being a stay at home mom. Sure I planned on getting married. After feeling so alone for most of my life I knew I wanted someone who would love me for me, Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Someone I could trust to always be there for me. I thought maybe I'll have a kid in my mid 30's. Never did I imagine I would meet and fall in love, to the point of no return, at the age of 22 and start a family at 23. I'm about to turn 34 here soon and I look at my life with wonder & amazment. I'm simply amazed at the path my life has taken and think to myself would I do it differently, any of it? No, I wouldn't. If I did I might not have gotten the chance to snag the most wonderful man in the world. I might not have had my children. I might not have made friends with the many people whom I'm proud to call my friends. I might not have had the honor to have my life blessed by the most precious Angel ever. It's because of the love that Maggie taught me that I am able to look at my life and be able to appreciate what it was, what it is, and what it may become.
It's because of Maggie that I met Rafa, and in turn became a fellow blogger & devoted follower of my online friends and their blogs. It's because of the dinners, emails, phone calls, pinches & pokes, visits, and words of encouragement & sympathy from all of my friends and family, off line and online that I have been able to cope with the many pitfalls life has put in my path the last couple of years. It's to all of you that I send my gratitude and many Thanks. Without all of you in my life to keep me grounded I probably would have lost touch with reality a long time ago.
I wasn't exactly sure which direction this post was going to go when I started it. I knew I wanted to give my many thanks and show my appreciation to my family and friends, the rest just sort of came pouring out. I know it's hard to follow my wandering mind sometimes, so if you're still here, I thank you. Hopefully now with Maggie's birthday and the anniversary of her death behind us for the next year things will get back to normal in my life and on the blog. However with Jason on nights for the next month who knows what's going to happen.
Again thank you all, for everything, and now for some photos. I know I kind of missed the fall colors this year. Sorry about that. Here is another photo of the maple tree in my front yard. It was a Mothers day gift from all three girls 3 years ago. Here it's about half way turned, in color.
Thanks to my friend, Amber, who is always thinking of me. I have a photo of what my tree would have looked like in full color if I had remembered to take a picture. This is her tree, but it's the same kind as mine I do believe.
Here's the sunrise from yesterday. Very golden, made me think of India. The sultry weather and all of the beautiful gold jewelry the people wear.
When I took the sunrise photos I noticed all the frost on the ground and decided to go check out the back yard. The first photo is of the neighbors tree frosted over with the sunrise lighting it up. The second photo is of our back yard. The sun is only touching the trees, it hasn't yet risen high enough to touch the ground.
There was one last rose that was trying desperately to hang onto life.
Everything was so beautiful with it's layer of frost.
Today's sunrise was incredible. It started out with an orange horizon and deep purple clouds above. My camera today just didn't want to co-operate so forgive me for any blurriness in the photos. It also wouldn't capture the colors until they had changed to the following.
It's mornings like these that I wonder what my friend, TICKLEBEAR , is going to capture with his camera. That and it's an amazing way to start a day.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day, it's Hump Day!! Half way to the weekend. Enjoy the day and be happy.
Huggs ♥ Love
CoreyJo
It's been a tough couple of weeks emotionally. I wouldn't have made it through this tough time had it not been for my family and friends. I have the best friends a woman could ask for. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on there were many to choose from. Whenever I needed a kick in the arse there were many a feet willing. Most of all whenever I needed someone to just listen there was always an ear to listen accompanied with a hug. A few of those friends went the extra mile to comfort me. With pokes, pinches, huggs & kisses some made me smile and feel the warmth of friendship. Some with just their company, or a bottle (or three) of wine & laughter. Others were practical and reminded me that it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to still need to cry and scream once in a while over the pain of the void in my life. One said friend also reminded me of this:
"Little Maggie came and brought a lot of joy and hapiness. She has become a little light that brings people together to share friendship and love in the name of her sweet personality. She came to give all of us a message. She came to remind us something we were not really paying attention to anymore. Once her job was done, it was time for her to go!"
I must never forget this, thank you for not letting me forget.
Maggie loved in such a complete and unconditional way that anyone who met her was a better person for having done so. I believe she came into our lives to teach us how to love, and to remember what's important in life. I also believe that her death, and the pain felt because of it, were necessary for me/us to learn from her. She taught me that the way we treat others directly affects the way in which we are treated. That life is too short to not enjoy each day, and each person to the fullest. Also that just because the odds are against you doesn't mean that you can't overcome an obstacle or situation. She taught me what Love was really about. Because of her I've learned how to love my husband, my children, family & friends in a way I didn't, or couldn't, before her. I owe to her my ability to appreciate life and my ability to love all of you unconditionally.
Another friend wrote a poem for me about Maggie. He claims they are my words as I described them to him. I may have told him the stories of fading giggles and blurred glimpses out of the corner of my eyes, but he made my musings into magic. My sister, Valisatie said this to him:
"Yes my sister can paint a picture with her words - be it good or bad. (Love ya Sis & you know it to be true)
With that being said, for you to turn what she described into poetry so beautiful & accurate that it cannot be described with mere words, only felt with the heart, is a talent all its own."
I agree whole heartedly. I would like to share with you his words. My dear friend Rafa left me this poem as his comment on a previous post.
Margaret Alice:
Pitter patter, through the halls
Pitter patter, I hear your calls
A giggle here
A whisper there
Search the house, you're EVERYWHERE!
I feel you when I lay me down
I touch you when I sleep
Yet when I wake with morning's light
I try and try with all my might
To hear your pitter patter
To track where you once were
To find that bit of glimmer
That once shone in my eyes
I know you're all around me
Shining bright and strong
I feel you tugging at me
Wanting to bring me near
So you can whisper something
Before you disappear
I try to hold you tight
You slip right through my fingers
Then off with pitter patter everywhere you go
RafaDe
Still the words escape me to fully express my feelings about this poem other than Simply Magic. I will treasure and cherish this for the rest of my days. Thank you my Darling Rafa.
It's amazing what my life is like. Growing up I never pictured myself having a family and being a stay at home mom. Sure I planned on getting married. After feeling so alone for most of my life I knew I wanted someone who would love me for me, Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Someone I could trust to always be there for me. I thought maybe I'll have a kid in my mid 30's. Never did I imagine I would meet and fall in love, to the point of no return, at the age of 22 and start a family at 23. I'm about to turn 34 here soon and I look at my life with wonder & amazment. I'm simply amazed at the path my life has taken and think to myself would I do it differently, any of it? No, I wouldn't. If I did I might not have gotten the chance to snag the most wonderful man in the world. I might not have had my children. I might not have made friends with the many people whom I'm proud to call my friends. I might not have had the honor to have my life blessed by the most precious Angel ever. It's because of the love that Maggie taught me that I am able to look at my life and be able to appreciate what it was, what it is, and what it may become.
It's because of Maggie that I met Rafa, and in turn became a fellow blogger & devoted follower of my online friends and their blogs. It's because of the dinners, emails, phone calls, pinches & pokes, visits, and words of encouragement & sympathy from all of my friends and family, off line and online that I have been able to cope with the many pitfalls life has put in my path the last couple of years. It's to all of you that I send my gratitude and many Thanks. Without all of you in my life to keep me grounded I probably would have lost touch with reality a long time ago.
I wasn't exactly sure which direction this post was going to go when I started it. I knew I wanted to give my many thanks and show my appreciation to my family and friends, the rest just sort of came pouring out. I know it's hard to follow my wandering mind sometimes, so if you're still here, I thank you. Hopefully now with Maggie's birthday and the anniversary of her death behind us for the next year things will get back to normal in my life and on the blog. However with Jason on nights for the next month who knows what's going to happen.
Again thank you all, for everything, and now for some photos. I know I kind of missed the fall colors this year. Sorry about that. Here is another photo of the maple tree in my front yard. It was a Mothers day gift from all three girls 3 years ago. Here it's about half way turned, in color.
Thanks to my friend, Amber, who is always thinking of me. I have a photo of what my tree would have looked like in full color if I had remembered to take a picture. This is her tree, but it's the same kind as mine I do believe.
Here's the sunrise from yesterday. Very golden, made me think of India. The sultry weather and all of the beautiful gold jewelry the people wear.
When I took the sunrise photos I noticed all the frost on the ground and decided to go check out the back yard. The first photo is of the neighbors tree frosted over with the sunrise lighting it up. The second photo is of our back yard. The sun is only touching the trees, it hasn't yet risen high enough to touch the ground.
There was one last rose that was trying desperately to hang onto life.
Everything was so beautiful with it's layer of frost.
Today's sunrise was incredible. It started out with an orange horizon and deep purple clouds above. My camera today just didn't want to co-operate so forgive me for any blurriness in the photos. It also wouldn't capture the colors until they had changed to the following.
It was the coolest thing ever. The sky was full of all these brilliant colors and the whole time they changed and transformed, as the sun rose, you could see this beam of light shooting straight up from where the sun was hiding just below the horizon.
It's mornings like these that I wonder what my friend, TICKLEBEAR , is going to capture with his camera. That and it's an amazing way to start a day.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day, it's Hump Day!! Half way to the weekend. Enjoy the day and be happy.
Huggs ♥ Love
CoreyJo
10/24/11
...
This weekend went well. Chinese for dinner on Friday, and cupcakes for Maggie's birthday. We released balloons on Saturday morning with messages of love and birthday wishes from all of us written on them. Company came over Saturday afternoon. All in all it was a good weekend with good food, delicious wine (lots of it), and the best friends a girl could ask for. Thanks everyone for helping to make our weekend wonderful, and for celebrating the beautiful Soul that is Maggie Alice. Love you Monkey♥
As you can see by the first photo I did not make this years cupcakes. It was too hard last year and I really wanted to avoid crying into cake batter this year. I wasn't all that impressed by these so next year I'm either finding a better bakery or I'm going to make my own sans the tears.
Because it was raining so much last week I really don't have very many nice photos to show you so here are some taken in Iowa by my sister in-law on the theie way home from our house to theirs in Nebraska.
As you can see by the first photo I did not make this years cupcakes. It was too hard last year and I really wanted to avoid crying into cake batter this year. I wasn't all that impressed by these so next year I'm either finding a better bakery or I'm going to make my own sans the tears.
Because it was raining so much last week I really don't have very many nice photos to show you so here are some taken in Iowa by my sister in-law on the theie way home from our house to theirs in Nebraska.
I can't remember if this next one was from Kristen, or my friend Melissa. I do believe it's one of Mel's photos from here in Michigan. I know the fall colors is Mel's though.
Lastly since I don't have any new pretty flower photos from my yard here are some photos a friend sent to me not too long ago. Thank you Pat. You're a wonderful friend and person. You always know just how to brighten my day. ♥
Thank you to everyone who left comments on the last post and who wrote emails. Your love was much needed and much appreciated.
Hopefully I'll have more to blog about this week. For now, I'm off to the dentist to get some repair work done on the work that the last dentist messed up. Wish me Luck!!
Wishing all of you a wonderful week.
Love ♥ Huggs
CoreyJo
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